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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Bouncebackability (06/05/14)

TITLE: Snared In Silken Strands Of Self-Pity
By Judith Gayle Smith


Pain controls me. I, caught in its silken strings barely move until pain jerks me up and starts me silently screeching.

It is such a gorgeous, delightfully summery spring day.

I, with limp noodles for arms, recline, assessing the agonies paralyzing me, and not just the physical but the mental and emotional strings tensing me beyond sanity.

The birds are trilling joyously.

My Sciatica, held at bay for almost thirty years, is sending out little feelers of pain, sniffing out what possible damage it can cause. My right shoulder has taken over the vicious duties that only Fibromyalgia cheerfully offers its victims.

Roses are blooming, people brightly smiling.

I do not easily bounce back. Admittedly, depending how fast the medications work, the true me shines forth, and knocking the rough edges from my slowly energizing system, I once again become the infamous “Leopard Lady” comedienne unstoppable, witticisms sparking the air to lightly alight on sorrowing souls thirsting for what must exist beyond painful emotional, physical and mental suffering.

Sunshine envelops me with golden warmth

When I am not who I seem to be, I quest for whatever our Lord has promised to those who Love Him. His loving open Arms offer comfort beyond our comprehension. Imagine no more pain, sorrow or tears. When I am able to reach beyond my agony, it is only because He has given me His grace, His wondrous peace.

A fragrant tropical breeze . . .

He helps me to see and cut the strings controlling me. I was not birthed by the bringer of pain, therefore I have severed the umbilical cord that erases me from His Kingdom.

He gives me peace.

Pain is incredibly selfish, absorbing, malevolently controlling. It turns our focus from Him to our own fearful and wretched self-absorption.

He empowers us to be unselfish.

My pain allows me to feel my husband’s Rheumatoid Arthritis. Fraying for him, I find myself praying for everyone that suffers physical, emotional, mental and spiritual pain – including myself. My heart aches for us all. But we must not ignore our Savior. He knows and understands, and can empathize with us. I shrink in sorrow over my self-pity when I consider Jesus hanging on His cross, bleeding and dying for unworthy me.

He gives me purpose.

Jesus knows me and still He died for me. This is a mystery, but the phrase “can a mother forget her suckling child . . .” resonates within me and strengthens the bond between our Father and me – yes, He gave life to me. It isn’t His fault that I have allowed myself to suffer through wrong actions and dissolute thinking. I must remember and treasure Whose I am. The time spent wailing over pain would be best spent praying for forgiveness for not putting Him in the front of my weakening battle. Shame on me.

Repent and be saved . . .

I am such a fraud. Very few of my friends know what we, as a family endure, just as we are “mercifully” kept from their pain. Call me dear souls; give me reasons to keep you ever at the forefront of my prayers.

Love me as I have loved you.

Funny thing – after repeatedly reading my own admonishment to myself and you, I find my spirit bouncing back from timidly hiding behind my backbone. I DO have the ability to bounce back.

Watch me.

It is such a gorgeous, delightfully summery spring day.
The birds are trilling joyously.
Roses are blooming, people brightly smiling.
A fragrant tropical breeze . . .
He gives me peace.
He empowers us to be unselfish.
He gives me purpose.
Repent and be saved . . .
Love me as I have loved you..

The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
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This article has been read 347 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Beth LaBuff 06/12/14
My heart goes out to those in chronic pain. I've seen the daily struggle from family members who fight through it. I love your creativity with the poem you interspersed. Thank you for your challenging
Lisa Johnson06/14/14
As a fellow chronic pain sufferer, I can totally identify with this well written article. I really enjoyed seeing the hidden message revealed at the very end. That was awesome!
Diane M. Bowman 06/15/14
This made me think about the song 'All The Days That End in Why' by Jeff and Sheri Easter. One line is 'Tell me why, why do we have to hurt..'

May God bless you by continuing to show you His purpose in your pain.
Milly Born 06/16/14
The title suggests you were drowning in self-pity, but the story tells about your ability to look beyond the pain and still see Jesus. Still notice a beautiful day.

Personally, I just don’t believe that sickness and suffering comes from God. During His earthly walk, Jesus did what He saw the Father do. Did He make people ill?

Unfortunately, although spiritually we’re citizens of the heavenly Kingdom where suffering doesn’t exist, physically we’re still trudging through a fallen world, full of diseases and disasters. But Jesus is walking here with us and can make us look at our suffering with different eyes. Your wonderful story witnesses of His love despite your pain, and I greatly admire you for that.

I pray for your miraculous healing.
Joe Moreland06/16/14
The ultimate "reading between the lines". This piece was so good, that I actually went back re-read the positive lines before I got to the end, and thought to myself that they made up a beautiful poem on their own. Then I read your ending and it was just perfect.

So many of us go through this type of pain, but if we will just read between the lines, we may see that God has still placed a beautiful poem in the midst of our struggle.

Without proclaiming your purpose, you showed it to us nonetheless.

Great, great job!
lynn gipson 06/16/14
As a fellow pain sufferer, I can relate to this very article. I have a small tumor on my sciatic nerve, and those feelers are everywhere. I used to feel sorry for myself, until a fellow Faithwriter reminded me that when we suffer, we suffer for Christ, just as He suffered for us. Now I embrace the pain and Christ takes it, once again, for me.

This is excellent writing, as your articles always are, and I felt your pain and the Glory.

BLessings, Lynn
C D Swanson 06/16/14
Amazing, moving, touching, inspiring. Excellent writing...thank you!

God bless~
Graham Insley06/18/14
You did a wonderful job of revealing the battle you go through. The constant ebb and flow of one moment being overwhelmed by the pains of body and life, and the next standing in awe of a wondrous God who still remains Sovereign.

Your ability to bring the struggle so clearly is amazing and once again I respect your honesty and transparency.

Mar  06/18/14
Wow, i feel it in your writing here, brings me back to months of agony...I can so relate with chronic pain! You penned it so well! Just perfect descriptive writing of experiences that many sufferers can relate to. And the beauty of our Lord's grace to bear it!