The Official Writing Challenge
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11/21/05
This is very well done. The pace and flow kept me reading. The last third changed a little too much and I had to reread, but good job nonetheless.
11/23/05
This was great! At first I thought he wanted to go home as in his house..then I got it and it was very powerful the way to wrapped it together.
11/24/05
I LOOOOVE the way you kept restating "but I'm all grown up, I've things to do..."
You have flair, you flow...
and you know it!
Hmmm... I'd love to read your journal someday if you write this well about day to day life.
11/24/05
I, too, think the repeated phrase, "I want to go home" creates a longing in the soul of the reader. The first paragraph sets up the scene very well. Oh, I loved this! It was a pleasure to read this aloud to my family. My husband commented that this sounded like a poem, and I agree; the words are so well-chosen. As far as favorite phrases, where would I begin? I especially thought effective the paragraphs about the dusty surroundings, the dusty heart, and the longing to be clean. The phrase "But I'm all grown up, I've things to do." is a bittersweet phrase that really sets the tone. Thank you for sharing!
Well done! The repetitive phrases as well as the repetitive use of key words in some paragrpahs (e.g. the dust one) were particularly effective. I was a little surprised by the heavenly image but you tied this in well at the end. Good on you!
I think we all have times in adult life when we want to be child again and let someone else take the pain! You capture that really well with the gritty reality...problem is your piece had to end somewhere/ somehow and I think you did really well.
Can you imagine how Jesus felt during His time among us? You stir thoughts such as this well done
11/25/05
"Iím reminded of the importance of prayer, Bible study and sacrificial living".
What a good reminder to us all! This hit me particularly. Excellent spin on 'home', and excellent description, as always! Well done Suzanne.
11/25/05
'Come quickly, Lord Jesus. I want to go home. Now.' (Amen! :) ) 'But I'm all grown up. I've things to do.' (bummer! :) ) Remember dear friend, behind all the gray and cold winter clouds - the Sun IS shining... waiting, working It's way through. I ab-so-lute-ly loved this! It's beautiful and I can just picture every word. Wow!Wish you could hop on over to Florida! I'd love to share my sunshine with you! Love, Pat
11/25/05
Your words paint pictures in this piece. Well done.
11/25/05
No name on this story, but everybody calls you by name,,Suzanne. ???
Anyway, this is a Winner! It is true! WE have Things to do! Remember the harvest? And not enough workers to harvest? That story Jesus told? Yes, it was a masterful story! Just brilliant! Thank you.
11/26/05
Very very well done!
11/26/05
This is my absolute favorite. Thank you so much!
You reminded me of myself getting out of bed to get my son off to school each cold morning. I just want to stay under the covers, but I'm a grown up and have things to do too! The repeating lines made this flow like poetry. It was fun to read after reading your post about where you got your inspiration from. ;) Great job on a wonderful entry.
11/28/05
Despite the dust :-) a very clean piece of writing. I particularly like the way you communicate the longing of your heart for something that you can't have yet and then find 'heaven on earth' in your midst.