The Official Writing Challenge
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Excellent! Amen!

Powerfully executed.

God bless~
I always hesitate to offer up much in the way of red ink on anyone's pieces, even when they say they want it, mostly because I think to myself "who am I to criticize anyone else's work?".

But I will say what I experienced in reading this piece. First, I think the message is excellent and your ending point is perfect. But along the way, I found my attention wandering from the text. It just seemed to meander around too much for me. When you delivered the line "when did this become about Adam and Eve?" (or something like that), I found myself in agreement.

As I said it's a great message, and you do tie everything together in the end, but you lost me somewhere along the way. Maybe it's just my own attention span, but I think it could use a little more focus or tightening up in the middle sections.

Feel free to ignore me, though, because I most likely don't know what I'm talking about. :)
I, too, hesitate to give much in the way of critique, but as I loved the beginning and ending--I think your point at the end about only Satan winning is excellent--I found myself confused a few times along the way.

I think there were a few places where you used three or four words of description where one might have sufficed, but I think this may be part of your voice, so although you could probably tighten up the writing, please don't change your own unique voice to conform to something anyone else says.

On the whole, great job!
Bee-for and after pictures available upon request . . .
Very interesting and creatively written!