Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: googled (04/10/14)
TITLE: Goggle That!
By Gregory Kane
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Sure, occasionally, I can't remember how to spell some word. That's why God invented dictionaries. Then, once my letter is finished, I pull it off the roller, drop it into an envelope, and pop it in the post. I've been doing it this way for years. It works for me and I can see no compelling reason to change.
My nephew descends into a fit of hysterics every time he sees me thumping away on my manual typewriter. Old man, crawl out of the stone age, he scoffs, get yourself some decent gear. But then again, he has to fork over a week's pay every time he needs a new ink cartridge, whereas my trusty ribbon is still going strong after eighteen months!
I would never tell him, but I did once try to type a letter on one of those newfangled contraptions. I was away visiting my daughter and I didn't have my typewriter handy. So I nipped out one morning and asked to use a computer in the local library. To my way of thinking, the keys seemed awfully flat and unresponsive, but the words appeared like they were meant to. The machine even put in carriage returns without my having to tell it. Mind you, I did call out 'ding' every time it dropped down a line; well at least I kept doing so until that Brumhilde of a librarian told me to shush. Unfortunately, what had been quite a positive introduction to the world of word processing took a sharp turn for a worse when the same Valkyrie caught me daubing tippex on the computer screen. How was I meant to know that you could just delete a word and type over it straight away?
One day, my nephew brought over his portable computer and tried to teach me to surf the Internet. It didn't help that he had the Beach Boys playing in the background, but I eventually worked out what he was prattling on about. You can goggle anything, he kept on saying, even though the boy clearly can't spell to save his life. First, he showed me photos of Obama and Big Ben and the Great Wall of China. Then he goggled a dozen different recipes involving shellfish. I did point out that I'm not all that fond of shellfish, but he insisted that this was vastly preferable to the assortment of dog-eared cookbooks that prop up my kitchen table. After this, he freaked me out by displaying a goggle-map of my house, first as an aerial view and then as a photo of my front door. For some reason, he found it immensely funny that I rushed outside to see who was standing in the yard with a camera.
Once I had come back inside, he tried telling me that he could even goggle the Bible. I don't quite know how he did it, but he reckoned that he found 103 different translations of Holy Scripture. To be honest, I have enough trouble with the modern Bible our pastor uses, seeing as how he's gone and got rid of all the thees and thous. But, I ask you, what does anyone in his right mind need with 103 versions that all say something different? It's just plain foolishness.
There's nothing new under the sun. That's what God's Word says. What has been will be again; what has been done will be done again. I suspect that we've had the Internet before, maybe a couple of thousand years ago. I reckon that men got so tired of everyone goggling this and goggling that, eventually they threw all their computers away and went off fishing instead.
In the future, if I want to know something, I'll look in up in a book. If I want to feed my soul, I'll read my leather-bound Bible. And the next time I need to write me a letter, I'll content myself with the thump and creak and ding of my Remington typewriter. It works for me. So why ever should I change?
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