The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
03/13/14
Okay, I'm trying to decipher the ZBD in the ZBD Food Services. Is it Zebedee? -- for the father of James and John? I've often wondered what Zebedee's reaction was when his sons were called and they left him in the boat. You've magnificently painted the lakeside sunset and night scenes and made the voices drift across the water to the reader. Your footnote about Maggie, though sad, had a triumphant overtone. In retrospect, I love your title in relation to the story. Excellent!
03/14/14
What a bittersweet author's note. Praise The Lord that she's with Jesus now.

This is a fantastic piece of writing. It inspires be to be a better writer. Great work as always.
03/15/14
Brilliant, detailed writing drawing the reader right into the scene. I also wondered about ZBD, thinking Zebedee, especially so knowing the author. This is great for the topic and should do well with the judges. Superb job!
03/16/14
Your title was very catchy and typically Noelesque. You painted a beautiful picture of the lake at eventide.

Opinion: Consider the correct use of semi-colons.

For ex:
"But suddenly we find a crowd has materialised all around us; and we have no fish to sell them." If you use the word "and", then a comma should be used.

You were right on topic with this one. This very familiar story was retold in a very creative and entertaining manner.
03/16/14
Oops! "and,"...
03/17/14
I love the imagery in this story! I felt like I was there with the fisherman, experiencing both their disappointment and their wonder.
Excellent "retelling" of the Bible story with lyrical language.
03/19/14
This is excellent and engaging writing. Despite reading of the 'ZBD Food Services' co. I didn't realise it was one of Jesus' disciples telling the story until well into the tale. You've told the Bible story well but it was your descriptive writing about the lake and the sunset that I particularly liked. A very 'catchy' title too!!
I think you did a wonderful job in the retelling of this story. I almost felt like I was right there with the crowd the salty air on my cheeks.

My main red ink would be to look at the number of times you said Out on the lake and how many explanation points you used. Try to keep the latter to just one in a story this side, with the one being in dialog. Also an em dash--should not have a space before or after--like this.

I liked your ending to the story. Your subtle sense of humor always makes me smile, well almost always--sometimes it leaves me scratching my head. ;) Your Author's ending touched my heart and I'm so glad you wrote this with the inspiration of this lovely lady. What a beautiful tribute that I have no doubt will be treasured by all who knew her. You did a fine job of writing on topic too, yet still keeping the POV fresh and interesting.
Congratulations for ranking 11 overall! Happy Dance!!