Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: The Deep End (03/06/14)
TITLE: Wigging Out – Adjust Your Attitude and Try Again
By Judith Gayle Smith
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That was yesterday. Today isn’t looking any better, reason and rationale flew off with that wicked little bluebird of so-called happiness. Today my fingers are gnarling into talons, ready to scrape visible misery on the closest flesh – mine.
The cable box for the ever-present, often obnoxious television refuses to work. My sister just announced her television is acting weird. I feel prickly heat raising the hairs on my neck. I am building rage to a level where I justify exploding. Most often, I just implode, collapsing within my emotional misfires.
Okay. So I had no intention to go off the deep end this week – nary a defined thought to throw me frantically thrashing to keep afloat into nine feet of turbulent churning water. I often tell folks that I will postpone my nervous breakdown until a more convenient time.
Now is a convenient time. Especially when the only viewing screen is on this maladjusted computer operator’s crowded dog-filled lap. Grrrrrr. I sit, in a thin caftan, crawling with hot flashes. At age seventy, those hot flashes still unnerve me.
A dear friend has stopped by, anxious about an upcoming surgical procedure he must confront tomorrow morning. I strangle my frustrations to calmly be the mother he needs. I read aloud what I have written here, and his eyes bulge in disbelief. I must hide my emotions well, for him to react so.
Relax. Calm down. Take a deep breath and concentrate on Whose child I am. Am I enslaved to Satan, willingly offering emotional sacrifices designed to hurt others? Or have I pledged my soul to the Christ, eager to resist the temptation to violently spew my anger, making all around me as miserable as I am?
I must stop thrusting His Holy Spirit from me in moments of self-justifying pity parties. I have so much time and love invested in Him, I cannot afford to throw Him away because I am so easily tempted to lose my volcanic temper.
Dear Father, it has been an extremely trying day. I concentrate on the me-me-me and lose my kavanah focus on You. I am so easily tempted, and much too eagerly yield to Satan’s demonic nudging. When he pushes my buttons, I must not thrust my mind into frustration and rage.
Thank you Lord, for Your love preventing me from going off the deep end – again.
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