Hire
Writers
Editors
Home Tour About Read What's New Help Forums Join
My Account Login
Shop
Save
Support
E
Book
Store
Learn
About
Jesus
  

Four Ways For A Christian Writer To Win A Publishing Package HERE



The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge

BACK TO
CHALLENGE
MAIN

INSTRUCTIONS

how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level

ENTRIES

submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners



Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.





TRUST JESUS TODAY

TRY THE TEST



Share
how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: The Short End of the Stick (02/20/14)

TITLE: The Last One
By Richard L. Provencher
02/25/14


 LEAVE COMMENT ON ARTICLE
 SEND A PRIVATE COMMENT
 ADD TO MY FAVORITES

Saturday is what I waited for all week. Dadís away in Seven Islands --- at the mine. No more work here in Noranda Copper for now. Momís asleep, said she had to catch up on her dreams --- sheís a waitress on the midnight shift. At a Chinese place, with some kind of dragon name. Good food there they say, but we canít afford to go.

The owner, Mr. Woo, often gives mom leftovers from the restaurant. Heís a nice man. For a treat, he tells mom to tell us. But I know better, Iím the oldest of five kids and I think he knows sometimes we donít have Ďnuff to eat. My big ears hear old people tell, mom got the short end of the stick. Iím not sure why they tattle like that. Maybe itís Ďcause dad drinks a lot. Thatís why mom has to work. Just wish she didnít scream at us kids so much.

Iím almost eleven, a big kid. But itís okay to play in our park with younger ones. Theyíre poor like us; well as least we have lots of warm clothes. Theyíre second hand, but thatís okay. Iím lucky I have a neighbour pal just two years older than me and I get his after.

Today is chilly, I think its 1951. Doesnít matter --- time for picking teams. This is the part I donít like. Iím probably the worst hitter in the whole world. Thatís why Iím usually the last one to get picked. Thereís ten of us today, some with fathers who stay home. And others who have none, so, Iím lucky I guess.

Chicky is a Captain of course. Heís the only one got a homerun hit once. And the other is big mouth Lee. They go one, two, one, two. Then only two left; me and a kid who smells. He sure needs a bath. I get picked first. That makes me really happy. At least today, Iím not last.


The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.


This article has been read 52 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Brenda Rice 02/27/14
Good storytelling with a good message.

Keep on writing and thanks for sharing.
CD Swanson 02/28/14
Well this was an interesting story from a child's POV. The internal dialoque was realistic for a child that age...and the lifestyle of the child was kind of sad, but at least he had a home and food, whereas some aren't as fortunate.

Good job with this "authentic tone" entry.

God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 03/01/14
I enjoyed this MC. It felt real and I could almost hear him speak. You did have some incomplete sentences. I first picked up the on that started at a Chinese restaurant. As I kept reading, I could see the choppy sentences were to help build the character. You did a nice job of doing that. Be sure to be consistent with it though. There was a time you used didn't, but I pictured your MC using don't, even though it would not be correct grammatically, it would fit the MC. You also did a great job of developing the atmosphere. You took me back in time and I could almost taste the dust of the ball field. You also did a nice job with the topic. It made me sad that it passes off into the next generation because that is often true in real life today. Great job. Keep writing!
Gregory Kane03/06/14
Good tone. I would like to have read more.