The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 426 times
Member Comments
Good storytelling with a good message.

Keep on writing and thanks for sharing.
Well this was an interesting story from a child's POV. The internal dialoque was realistic for a child that age...and the lifestyle of the child was kind of sad, but at least he had a home and food, whereas some aren't as fortunate.

Good job with this "authentic tone" entry.

God bless~
I enjoyed this MC. It felt real and I could almost hear him speak. You did have some incomplete sentences. I first picked up the on that started at a Chinese restaurant. As I kept reading, I could see the choppy sentences were to help build the character. You did a nice job of doing that. Be sure to be consistent with it though. There was a time you used didn't, but I pictured your MC using don't, even though it would not be correct grammatically, it would fit the MC. You also did a great job of developing the atmosphere. You took me back in time and I could almost taste the dust of the ball field. You also did a nice job with the topic. It made me sad that it passes off into the next generation because that is often true in real life today. Great job. Keep writing!
Good tone. I would like to have read more.