The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/28/14
Powerful! Wow - this was an amazing story. It kept me riveted in an uneasy way...and the ending was magnificent in how it portrayed "love and Jesus" behing it all.

Great job.

God bless~
03/02/14
I thought at first, that the character was a man, until the end where the twist made it out to be a young woman. Great title--I loved seeing how it tied into the story. That was fabulous.

Some spaces between paragraphs would definitely make for some easier reading, but this was a nice little snippet just the same. I really liked the tension you were able to create. Good job and thanks for sharing!
Thanks for the encouraging comments. I really want to be able to more consistently critique on other folks's stories. It's so helpful and so appreciated when I read your critiques.

Silly me - I'm using a new computer system and didn't take the time to preview - it gets you every time,doesn't it? - I didn't realize that I had no space between paragraphs! Thanks for mentioning it! Wilma
Congratulations on ranking 21 overall!
This is really intense. You did an outstanding job of building the suspense and grabbing me right away. I will shamefully admit that at first I thought the guy was a flasher. I won't say anymore about that! ;) Once my mind shifted gears again, I was totally riveted. I also had to read the last part twice because I thought the guy who took the bullet had died, but once I figured it out, I thought the ending was perfect. You did an amazing job. Spot on topic too.