Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: At Wit’s End (02/13/14)
TITLE: LIVING DEAD IN THREE ACTS
By Terry R A Eissfeldt
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
i’m done, done like dinner
done like butter under summer sun
like dust … so much ash … and dust
you didn’t come through for me
you didn’t come through for my son
you didn’t come through because
you are an angry … demanding … never satisfied
i did what was right
i kept myself pure
i set myself apart for you
i taught my children the same
all I asked was one little thing
i thought you were
the king of kings?
surely you could have come through
if you wanted to
if you were able
such a thin knife-edge i’ve walked
i never realized i was keeping score
but i was … are you?
because all my sacrifice … obedience … devotion
for all these live long years
should have added up to enough
for you to come through
just this once
i hate you
yes, actually i do
i hate you
so now I’m done
it’s so still here
i’m encased … enclosed … encircled
all striving has ceased
when did i figure i had any control?
i never had control
why did i think anything mattered?
nothing matters but this quiet … this rest … this calm
breathe, breath deeply
sleep, sleep peacefully
rest, rest your head on my shoulder
hello? who’s there?
am i not alone here at the end of myself?
at the end of my reason?
no my child
I’ve always been here
do i know you?
have we met?
i want to know you
if you share this place with me
i want to know you
who are you?
The sun is rising.
I feel its warmth on my skin.
Particles of light are … infiltrating … infusing … infecting life
deep into the centre of my being.
Where despair … disillusionment … and … death recently reigned,
tendrils of life, ethereal … elegant … and …unearthly,
Gradually I open my eyes.
Heavenly light penetrates my soul.
There is no darkness now. No distress.
The peace obtained in the deep attends me.
Breathing deeply … evenly … gratefully, I rise.
I’m alive yet dead.
I’m dead to my opinion … to my ideas … to my ways …
I’m alive to trust … to peace … to rest … in Him.
He is good.
Trying to earn His favour is futile.
Chasing the wind.
Running till there is no more.
To the end of reason itself.
It wasn’t my circumstance that needed to change.
It was my opinion of what I deserved based on how I lived.
It was my idea that I had a right to demand of God.
It was my way of justifying my demands.
But no more.
Under no circumstance will I worship that false god.
In the quiet I hear His voice.
In the stillness I see His face.
In death I am raised in Him.
I know my God.
Therefore I’m done.
Past the end of myself.
Past the end of my reason.
Thanks be to God!
Now I am fully alive in Him.
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