The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
11/24/05
An Honest critique: the first part was interesting, kept me reading...but then in the 2nd part it was way over my head...you lost me! Somehow I lost interest in the "thought process" of Hannah..and it rambled.But then I'm only one Reader...and one who has a short attention span. A talent for writing however..it shows.
11/24/05
Very well written and enjoyed it(and I was reading it -highly distracted by the four kids running around my sister's house lol)
It was very well written! I liked the unique idea!
11/24/05
I agree. It was too distractable a read, and would have been much easier to read had you only written the bottom part. That said, it was beautifully written - both the top story and the bottom one.
11/24/05
Unique idea and told in such a heartwarming way. Nicely done.
I liked what you tried to say, but it got a little confusing to me: "Hannah raised her hand. “Today I’m going to tell you a story about a woman named Hannah and how God heard Hannah’s prayers.” At first I thought she wasn't THE Hannah. I had to go back and reread the previous line that said it was her own story, then I got it. :)

Then the italics at the start of her story were also a little confusing. I wasn't sure if she was thinking the words or actually speaking them to the children. Maybe it would have been better with quotation marks instead of the italics?

I liked your idea though. This was a creative use of winter, so good effort. :)
11/25/05
A very nice story. I got a bit confused in the story telling portion though. Perhaps the use of "She" instead of "I" or perhaps this particular type of story telling. The end filled in the gaps though. Still a nice story, and enjoyed reading. God bless ya, littlelight
11/25/05
I really enjoyed this. I like your use of italics to show how she got lost in her thoughts even while telling the story.
11/25/05
What a beautiful rendition of a wonderful story. I love that story in the bible. Thanks for portraying it so well:)
11/26/05
I really liked it. Usually, we think of Hannah as a not-so-young woman of child-bearing age, but you've made her a more rounded person in my mind - the children she bore after Samuel, their children, her doting husband ... well done!!!!
11/26/05
Beautifully written; I loved every word, and also your interpretation of the word "winter." Just lovely.
I agree with Jan. Loved it all! I see Hannah more clearly and fully since reading your story!
11/28/05
I really love that passage in Samuel, and I really love you adapting on it, Jules.
It's a wonderful thing to meditate on.
11/28/05
After the first read, like the kids at the end of the story, I was a bit puzzled, too. I wonder if the dreaded word count has fragmented an otherwide smooth flowing story. I love the concept of Hannah telling her own story and it not being understood yet. Yeggy