The Official Writing Challenge
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Graphic story all should read and head.

Nice opening that leads to the cause of "the rest of the story".

Pain could be felt during the fall but with hopeful results that did not materialize.

Good lesson for us if we would only apply it to our own actions.
02/14/14
Wow - so powerful and moving! Thank you for sharing your wisdom of life that was learned through the Lord and His poweful Word!

May God continue to bless you~
02/14/14
May you continue to find peace in the one who knows. This is a somber but encouraging piece of writing.
Very well written...one can feel with him his pain, anxiety about his condition...and his resolution to go on and trust God.
02/15/14
You have touched a common chord with this story. I'm sure many readers, including myself, can relate. I noted that you changed a pronoun in the middle of the story from "I" to "He." To avoid confusing the reader, it's best to be consistent throughout the story.

Did you mean "scaring" rather than "scary?" I love the lessons you learned when you came to your dead end. Beautiful truths here. Great job with the topic!
02/15/14
Definitely heart braking but yet, hopeful. Thank you for sharing.
02/15/14
I liked how the MC said, "Only God knows, and He has a reason for everything that happens." Great encouragement for those facing life's trials.

"My perfect smile is gone; I looked like Snaggletooth." Should this read, "My perfect smile was gone; I looked like Snaggletooth." Or, maybe, "My perfect smile is gone; I look like Snaggletooth."

I enjoyed your story and liked your ending sentence, "With God, there is no dead end, only Heaven." Amen!

God bless~
02/15/14
I rescind the following comment: "I noted that you changed a pronoun in the middle of the story from "I" to "He." To avoid confusing the reader, it's best to be consistent throughout the story."

Within the context of the story "He" was appropriately used.

Perhaps some sort of transitional sentence to introduce the memories part of the story might work well here for people like me.:-)

Oh it's hard to grow old sometimes. I could totally relate with the MC. In my head I'm still the same me, if only my body agreed.

You were able to create a floating sensation for me. I'm not quite sure why, perhaps it was the description of the boat or the memories wafting through the air. Though some of the transitions felt a bit sudden to me, overall it did work in a way I wasn't expecting.

The main red ink I would offer would be to write out numbers under a hundred, though even that the experts don't agree as some say to a hundred and others only to ten. I mention it more because the numerals stood out in my mind slightly distracting me from the superb storyline. I guess I'm older now too. I could almost feel myself age as I read and wondered where the girl of my past disappeared to.

You did a fine job of pacing this story and developing a calm sense of atmosphere.I also think you managed to capture the topic while staying true to your story. Nicely done.

02/17/14
This is well written and true to life as we age.

Thanks for sharing.
02/18/14
Ouch is all I can say as I relate and recuperate with the MC!
I fell not once but three times with equal lack of grace last Thursday in the water which had become a sandbar at low tide.
And the prospect of walking with a cane is eminent in my future if I keep trying to act like a youngster too.
Thanks for the timely reminder with your well written piece.
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