“All rise. The honorable Archangel Gabriel presiding in the matter before this court, the plaintiff Satan also known as the devil vs. the defendant God also known as everlasting father, prince of peace, wonderful counselor….”
“Objection, your honor! Said references to the defendant are positively prejudicial to the defendant’s character which is on trial here. I therefore demand that all Aka’s ensuing the defendants name be stricken from the record. “
“Neither sustained or allowed. Counselor you should know that is not the time for objections to be entertained. Bailiff please read the charges.”
“Your honor in the case of Satan versus God. Plaintiff complains that the defendant has, with total disregard for the law outlined in the scripture allowed multiple thousands of criminal sinners to be pardoned in lieu of serving their due punishment clearly outlined within the law in the book commonly known as the Old Testament.”
“Thank you. How do you plead to these charges?”
“Your honor, as attorney for the defendant I Jesus of Nazareth enter the plea, not guilty”
“Let it be so recorded that the defendant enters a plea of not guilty. Let us move on to opening statements. I refer to the plaintiff. Let it be duly noted at this time that the plaintiff has waived right of council and is acting on his own behalf as attorney pro se. You may address the Jury.”
“Yes your honor. Gentlemen of the jury, you see before you God, the almighty one, so called, who has the gall, the nerve, the chutzpah if you will, to pardon thousands of souls from punishment for their sins. We’re talking about criminal sin gentlemen. Souls unpunished for murder, rape, incest and sodomy, not to mention scores of other flesh satisfying felonies and misdemeanors. Need I continue?"
“Hmmm, only if you must.”
“Yes, these criminals have not duly served a moment in hell for their crimes. It’s unfathomable! Imagine, scores of thousands pardoned illegally because of a teeny bit of suffering and a welcome death by the defendant’s council who masquerades as his son. Preposterous! Why I can cite multitudes who suffered more. Yet not a one of them was given the authority to pardon. Therefore, it is the intention of the plaintiff to influence the court to overturn all heavenly pardons immediately and retroactively. Thank You."
“Counselor, MY LORD JESUS you may now present your opening statement to the jury. “
“Your honor, we waive that right.”
“So be it. Satan, you may call your first witness.”
“The plaintiff calls to the stand Johanan Ben David. “
“Put your right hand on the Bible. Do you swear to tell the whole truth…” You may be seated.
“Mr. Ben David. Please state for the court your full name and address…
‘Johanan Ben David 12 Gospel Drive, Heaven Northern Quadrant.”
“Can the court assume that you reside in heaven?”
“Praise His Name, I do!”
“Please sir control your emotions. Now, is it true that you are known as the thief on the cross?”
“You were crucified with the defendant and one other in April of 29 A.D.?”
“Why were you crucified?”
“I stole some money.”
“While you hung on your crosses, did the counsel Jesus of Nazareth, say anything to you?”
“Yes, after I asked for his mercy, he said I was forgiven and would be in paradise with him that day.”
“Did that happen, even though you were a convicted thief?”
“It certainly did.”
“No further questions.”
“Counsel for the defendant, would you like to cross-examine?”
“Yes Sir. Mr. Ben-David. Shalom my good friend!” You in truth testified that you had asked me for mercy on the cross and because of your desire; you were pardoned of your sin and your crime. Please tell the court why you received a permanent pardon.”
“Gladly my Lord. It is simply because of your grace and the power given by the defendant. Satan the plaintiff in this case duped the entire human race in the garden which would send us all to hell, but the defendant God loved us so much he sent you, his son to take the punishment they we deserved for our sins and crimes .”
“Well said in truth. Thank you Johanan.”
“The defendant moves for a dismissal based on the Mr. Ben David’s testimony.”
“Now wait just a minute, why you…”
“Be seated Satan, you are rebuked. Case dismissed!”
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