The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 446 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
This is a wonderful story. For all his flaws, James sounds like quite a guy.

I see the bookend theme very clearly.
The MC's life begins and ends with (is bookended by) two beds.
02/08/14
Very touching story. I can see the brothers as bookends, opposite each other in their relationship with their dad.

This could also be written in the third person. Not sure which would be more powerful.

Great job! Vonnie
02/08/14
A clever use of the topic and such a sad tale, beautifully put together. The ending was superb with the wayward brother's faith reigniting and returning home to care for his younger brother. Great job!
02/08/14
Brilliant. I enjoyed every word. I'm glad the prodigal son came home.
02/08/14
I was captivated by this story beginning to end! Because of the last line, I was wondering if it would have maybe been better told in the third person. But it was a gripping story as is and had an amazing amount of detail and drama for such a short story! Great job!
02/10/14
A very interesting and moving story. One of the best I've read in here.
Thanks!
02/10/14
Just the kind of approach to the topic that I expect from a real Pro. :-). Written with a flow and style that's a winner, in my opinion.
02/10/14
Excellent! The story really draws you in, and you are left wanting more, like finding out how James came to faith.
02/11/14
You have told this very moving story very well. I think being told in the 1st person added feeling, but maybe telling in the 3rd person would have made the ending a bit easier to tell. Well done!
Very well done. Moving and intense.
You had me wondering throughout the story how it would end with James.
Excellent.
Norms
02/11/14
Thanks for reading and commenting on my story “A Room With Two beds”. A large part of it was biographical. The history and relationships my brothers had with one another and with my dad were as described. The cancer diagnosis and the hospital scenes were also real but I switched things around a bit. I did try to avoid the last sentence. I thought it was needed to get the book end theme. I didn’t want to lose the tension – people might not feel as strongly about the characters if it had been in the third person. I was also lost in the emotion and the memory of what I felt at the time. It was a cathartic write.
You made me love a character I didn't think I could. Great job with this very personal story.
Congratulations on ranking 13 overall!