The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
02/01/14
Your story of survival was a great reminder of a very dark time in history. Consider working on sentence structure, grammar, and flow.

I noted several incomplete sentences, and misuse or missing commas. I was also a bit confused by the sequence of events. It's a good idea to let the reader know when you're interrupting your story with a flashback. Ex. Including the word, "Past" to "images of herself...would have made the change over clearer.

"She breathed the perfume of the wild flowers that Jacek gave her and savored the black current juice and homemade rye bread at a lunchtime café."

Great sentence! I can picture the scene. The details od your story were compelling. Keep writing!
02/01/14
Your story of survival was a great reminder of a very dark time in history. Consider working on sentence structure, grammar, and flow.

I noted several incomplete sentences, and misuse or missing commas. I was also a bit confused by the sequence of events. It's a good idea to let the reader know when you're interrupting your story with a flashback. Ex. Including the word, "Past" to "images of herself...would have made the change over clearer.

"She breathed the perfume of the wild flowers that Jacek gave her and savored the black current juice and homemade rye bread at a lunchtime café."

Great sentence! I can picture the scene. The details of your story were compelling. Keep writing!
02/01/14
A powerful story that reminds us that sometimes it is years between first seeing the 'light' and the final deliverance.

A lot of history is packed in this short article; well done.
02/02/14
Congratulations on producing such an expansive and descriptive cameo of such a shameful period of history - and on keeping it within the word limit. Your syntax may need some correction here and there, but the emotions that this entry evokes override the precision that might describe so trivial as a report on the weather or on traffic flows.
If this is part of your family memories, or of those in your circle of influence, it opens promise of a much bigger story or serial.
This begs to be expanded. Vivid, painful, excellent descriptions ...
02/04/14
Oh my goodness! This story was packed with emotions and moved me beyond words!

The descriptions, the conditions, the situation...so on and so forth. WoW - so powerfully good.

Thank you

God bless~
This is a powerful story. It's vital to keep telling stories like this lest we forget. I also learned quite a bit in this piece as well. Congratulations.
02/06/14
Congratulations!

God bless~
02/06/14
Congrats!!! Wonderfully done, I see the tweaks you've made that really made a difference.
Congratulations on ranking 3rd in your level and 15 overall. (The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.)