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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Light at the End of the Tunnel (01/23/14)

TITLE: Pain for Pastor Peter
By Noel Mitaxa
01/28/14


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Pastor Peter felt himself being thrown headlong into deepening, abysmal darkness—an isolation of his own making. Only he could change it. But how?

His ministry had grown internationally, and he had the ear and the trust of the world’s political and corporate movers and shakers; but now his integrity was being ambushed.

Success had stretched him on so many levels; with so many invitations that he literally needed to be in two places at once.

His fascination for computer technology led him to contact a tele-transportation researcher friend. Like all Star Wars (Beam me up, Scotty!) television series aficionados, he saw the benefits of instantaneous travel. However his friend explained that this process could only operate between science labs that were nowhere near major cities; adding a warning that even the slightest momentary power loss could permanently realign his molecules—or worse—lose him instantaneously and irretrievably.

But his throwaway line of “Why not clone yourself?” offered Pastor Peter a solution that would double his availability to speak, to travel, and to promote his books, DVDs and other merchandise.

Pastor Peter quickly had himself cloned, swearing his staff to absolute secrecy.

Suddenly there were two completely-indistinguishable Pastor Peters, with even the most-prying media people unable to detect he could get so much done.

It all went so well, until the clone felt that the need to widen his appeal. So he began to include ambiguous and risqué illustrations in his messages; quickly descending into absolute filth.

Did he break new ground? Did he ever!

The money started rolling in. Pastor Peter began receiving invitations to speak at venues that had previously been off-limits to him. Thinking these were genuine opportunities, he willingly accepted; to find that his new audiences only wanted what his clone had been delivering. He found himself being booed off-stage, while the clone kept feeding and fulfilling these unworthy hopes whenever he appeared.

His traditional supporters became confused and dried up their backing completely.

When news broke that Pastor Peter’s clone had become a movie porn-star; the darkness enveloped him, and he knew he had to end it once and for all.

He invited the clone to a one-on-one evening meeting, and the two drove separately to a mountaintop retreat, where they faced each other on the deck outside the foyer. The smirking clone refused all of Pastor Peter’s desperate pleas, revealing that he had opened a secret bank account for all the money he was making.

This was too much for the real Peter, who grabbed the clone by the throat and tossed him into the valley far below.

In a panic, he raced back to his car and drove off.

But suddenly he realised that there was no crime; no murder; and nothing to investigate. The clone’s body had no DNA of its own; so Pastor Peter’s death would be the one reported. So why not lie low; let his family receive the body and arrange the funeral as the grief spread?

Then he could step back into the spotlight—literally back from the dead; which would silence any doubters and detractors. And the money would again start to flood in. His darkness was being flooded with light, and his heart began to sing.

His euphoria grew even stronger as he saw more light up ahead. But this light appeared to be flashing and changing colour. From red to blue and back again, for it was a police roadblock.

Pastor Peter stopped, to find himself surrounded by armed police, who handcuffed him and took him into custody.

The next day, headlines around the world declared: PASTOR ARRESTED FOR MAKING OBSCENE CLONE FALL!


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This article has been read 152 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Ellen Carr 02/01/14
Ha ha ha! A great ending to a most unlikely tale. Well told with humour and excitement.
Yvonne Blake 02/01/14
*groan* I would have known this was yours anywhere, Noel. Your muse must have had fun coming up with this sci-fi story!
Verna Cole Mitchell 02/01/14
Oh my! I knew who wrote this and still didn't see that "groan" ending coming! Your imagination was in overdrive for this clever piece.
Virginia Bliss 02/01/14
Great story. I particularly enjoyed your description of the technical problems associated with instantaneous travel.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 02/01/14
You have a wonderful way of making me laugh while rolling my eyes. This was a delightful story from beginning to end.
Lillian Rhoades 02/01/14
Clever, humorous, Noelesque!

Tiny editing note..."to detect he..." perhaps, "detect how he..."

And..."felt that the need"...I suggest eliminating "that."

Your imagination went wild, but I loved it!
Graham Insley 02/01/14
The master of the clever pun and the twisted word strikes again.

As always, Noel, very clever.
Judith Gayle Smith02/02/14
It actually causes me deep physical and emotional pain when a Challenge passes without your insanity. We need you! Never stop tickling our hearts and funnbones, dear soul . . .
Francie Snell 02/04/14
Very clever and funny. I really enjoyed this. I did discover one place where I think you may have a word that shouldn't be there. Not sure. In the paragraph that starts "It all went so well" ,you wrote:"the clone felt that the need ?"
I love your writing.
CD Swanson 02/05/14
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!

Wait, some more....

hahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Okay, just about finished....

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha!

WHen you start doing your stand-up comedy act, book me for the first row!

Amazing and simply outrageous genius my friend!

God bless~
CD Swanson 02/05/14
Oh and Noel, no way can your mind be cloned, it is a ONE of a kind...no chance of duplicating a mind such as yours my friend!

Excellent job!

God bless~
Linda Goergen02/05/14
Oh Noel...without knowing, I knew it was yours at last line! I kept wondering where this story was leading...thinking maybe it was a sci-fi analogy of the anti-Christ...only to burst out laughing at the end when I realized I had been taken in by the trickster writer! Your home must be very entertaining with your mind! Thanks for the laugh!
Beth LaBuff 02/06/14
I bet he'll never do that seemingly-perfect crime again. I was laughing, too. Thanks for an entertaining story delivered in a way that only you can. :)