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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Making Ends Meet (01/16/14)

TITLE: Grandmother
By Shundra Latrece Moore


She was bent over from years of back breaking work and time was not kind to the grandmother of four, but her faith was strong in her God.

Timothy thought it strange watching her slowly cross the street. Why would she keep believing in a God who treated
her like that? A young college man who was popular on campus. He watched this
grandmother buy the same thing at the corner store for three years but now she used food stamps. He was determined to find out who she really was for his journalism class. This paper would be an A+ for sure.

So he had his interview questions all ready but she didn't show up at the corner store at her usual time. She usually ran like clock-works so Timothy began to get a little concerned. So he retraced the route she usually took in the neighborhood.

She was no where to be found. Then the worst happened Timothy was concerned only about his world his grade but in two seconds it all changed.

She was breathing shallow and hollow at the bottom of the stairway Timothy ran with all he had. This woman was the closest thing to a grandmother that he had. And now that he realized that this wasn't about him it really was about this elder who's wisdom could bring him into real manhood.

Now she was near death. He fumbled to get his cell phone out his pocket to call nine one one so they could come and help. Help him save himself from a shallow existence that did not even know her name.

He was ready to give her more than her social security check for an interview now he had to interview himself an ask why he was hurting so much for a woman he did not really know. He had fixated all the comfort that he had experienced throughout His life and put it on a elderly woman with no name that was about to breathe her last breath.

What should he say to her kids to her grand kids. Hello, I'm Timothy and I really want to be you? And I saw your mother your grandmother die. So now he was forced to think about what made his ends meet. The money seemed to be so hollow now.

He thought that would be his greatest selling point now he would sell his soul just to see grandmother hobble down the city street again.

Why? He didn't know exactly but the steadiness the reliability of this woman drew his heart into her world and now it was coming to an end. The ambulance finally came and she was still alive. He stayed out of her view because he was ashamed that he didn't
make it there in time. How could this have happened. She was supposed to be at Jakes Corner Grocery buying a cabbage some salt meat the best looking fruit they had and a paper, but instead she was in the back of an ambulance struggling to live another day.

Now he needed to know why he was so upset. His routine was now all messed up no grandmother to watch cross the street to a fantasy plate of nourishment at the head of her
table, no imaginary family just the real life story of Timothy a lonely young man who God showed in one second what real life really was.

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This article has been read 133 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Brenda Rice 01/23/14
A very touching story and well told. I did notice some punctuation problems here and there.

Overall you captured a touching scene filled with human emotion.

Thanks for sharing.
Joanne Sher 01/27/14
VERY powerful piece. I could feel the MC's emotions throughout.

Some of your grammar and punctuation errors were a bit distracting from the story - but those kinds of things are relatively easily learned.

Thnks so much for sharing this.
C D Swanson 01/27/14
Oh my goodness! What a powerful story, it was so touching and poignant at once. Very good introspective entry. Nicely done.

GOd bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 01/30/14
This is an interesting POV. You captured the selfishness that most youth have until the world begins to crumple. I liked that you told his focus shifted. It would be even more powerful if you showed it. For example. He shook his head and blinked his eyes in a futile attempt to erase the picture from his mind. Once more he squeezed his eyes shut, praying that when he opened them, Grandma Nell(by giving her a name it helps the reader to connect) wouldn't be laying on the ground in a crumbled heap. Scolding bombarded his mind. "You only cared about your grade? Why didn't you think to take her to lunch? Why didn't you think about her?"
That's just an example to show you what I mean. You have a great grasp on writing and just need to do a bit more showing. I loved your take on the topic and thought it quite clever. I truly enjoyed this piece from beginning to end.
Check out Jan's Writing Basics on the message boards. She gives great tips for all levels of writers.