The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
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Date
I liked the rhythm of the first stanza.

It changes a little later making it more difficult to follow the same beat.

Good thoughts.

Rewrite this later to keep the same beat as the first stanza.
good progression in the story - one small red ink suggestion ... in the first stanza keep the present tense - "words were terse" to words are terse.
Very relatable - good job.
01/29/14
Great piece!

God bless~
Congratulations on ranking 30 overall!