The Official Writing Challenge
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I’d love to have your input into the free writing lessons available on the FaithWriters forums. This week’s lesson is on writing devotionals, and next week will cover writing on topic for the weekly challenge. Look for it at, or if you’re on Facebook, you can “like” Faithwriters Writing Lessons.
A very well written entry that was certainly on topic.

God bless~
What a fantastic, imaginative plot! I can see this as an entire novel or novella.

You packed a lot of information in 750 words, but it almost felt more like a book synopsis (a synopsis for a book I would very much like to read) than a short story. In the future, if you have something amazingly and big like this in mind--for the Challenge--I would suggest zooming in on one particular scene, using bare minimum backstory, but using your description and dialogue to "catch the reader up" on what's going on. That way, the reader will be invited to dive deeper into your story.

Thinking back, I can see that you really were focusing on one particular scene, but there was so much backstory that it felt like many scenes.

Keep in mind, this is just one reader's opinion. And I LOVE this plot!