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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Elephant in the Room (12/05/13)

TITLE: Oops
By Wayne Cook
12/08/13


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OOPS

From the time they first saw each other, it was incredible. Both were taken by surprise by the impact their meeting made on them.

They were both attending a charity function as part of their business responsibilities. Neither was intentionally looking for love.

Ray ran an entertainment company that provided talent and props for production companies. Sadie was a pharmaceutical sales person, who often traveled to service doctors’ offices, and hospitals.

When Ray and Sadie saw one another across the room, they each immediately started moving in the direction of the other, trying to be nonchalant.

As soon as they neared each other, both spoke at the same moment the same question which they asked in unison.

Then they laughed and from that point on they were both stricken. Neither had experienced such a rush and attraction ever. They left the reception together.

Sadie was scheduled for an early flight to Chicago the next morning and they separated reluctantly, as she left the taxi to enter her apartment building. They exchanged business cards and promised to keep in touch, which they did while she was at the airport and each day for two weeks. They talked for at least an hour each day until she returned to town. As she arrived at the airport and headed for the luggage terminal, they talked and decided that since he was working a big project, producing a commercial for a client the next morning, they would share a pizza at his warehouse office.

When she arrived, they exchanged a brief touch of hands and he suggested they sit in the warehouse area at a break table since the staff was delivering some furniture to the shoot site.

As they sat down to eat, Ray said, “There’s an elephant in the room.”

Before she could pick up her first slice of pizza, Sadie looked him square in the eye and started talking, spitting out words at the rate of an AK-47. Ray sat in shock. His mouth dropped open in shock.

“I’m glad you said that. I knew I had to bring this up before we finished eating and I need to get it off my chest. I am completely smitten by you and I think I am in love. But you need to understand – I am a virgin and I plan to stay that way until I marry, no matter how strong our urges are. I want you to also understand why…I am also in love with another man, and love Him even more than I will ever be able to love you, though my feelings at this point are very strong.”

“Well…” Ray was interrupted before he could utter a sentence and the monologue continued with force and speed. Sadie then explained to him that she was in love with Jesus, was born again and planned to follow Christ first even before she carried on a relationship with a man she loved and married.

Finally, Ray started laughing so hard he was shedding tears. When he finally was able to speak he said, “No preacher could have said it better or faster.”

About that time Sadie felt something touch her cheek and when she reached up to grab it and looked around, she found a leathery skin of an animal and was shocked speechless at the sight of a baby elephant.

“You…. Why are you laughing? He could have hurt me. Oh my, you meant a literal elephant, not a figure of speech, a subject we hadn’t discussed. I am so embarrassed.”

When they both stopped laughing and Ray had led the elephant back to his place, he explained that the elephant was for the shoot.

“Sadie, let me tell you I am also a Christian and following the Lord’s leadership. I have been praying for some time for God to bring a Christian lady into my life that I could love and marry. You are an answer to prayer and I am enjoying the sharing we have been doing over the phone. I am glad you have been out of town and we have begun this journey without the physical attraction I feel for you getting in the way. And I must admit, laughing with you about the elephant has been an added treat. I promise it will be the last time there will be an elephant in the room during our relationship.”


(Fiction)


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This article has been read 138 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Anne Warden 12/12/13
Cute twist! And I love your title.
lynn gipson 12/13/13
I am smiling from ear to ear here. Great take on the topic with a fantastic ending. There was a real elephant in the room! Gotcha! Loved this one. Excellent.
Sheldon Bass 12/13/13
Your Idea is outstanding, with the real elephant being mistaken for the unspoken elephant-in-the-room. This had incredible potential. That said, you might want to work a bit on showing their feelings and thoughts more than telling us about them. We all struggle with that at times.

I truly enjoyed this piece, and hope you will polish it up for a future publication.

I sometimes will open with a shocking or outlandish sentence to create a good hook.

Keep on writing, you are doing great!
Toni Babcock 12/15/13
Great story idea to take off with. I agree with Sheldon that with more showing (inner dialogue, mannerisms, body language etc.) to establish the mood/conflict and the opening setting, especially in the beginning - this would be helpful in creating intrigue for the reader. (This isn't always easy to do when there is a word count to abide by!) I see a Christian romance novel in your future...
Judith Gayle Smith12/15/13
What a delightful story! Warm fuzzies all around . . .

Please "throw a brick" for others to enjoy, comment and support your writing:

http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=37705

Hebrews 10:26-31 KJV
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 12/18/13
This is a hoot. I loved the dialog that started in the middle. It brought the characters to life for me. I wish you had started off with the dialog, but once it started I hung on to every word. The one thing you might want to be careful about is don't let your title give away the ending. Though in this case I was expecting the guy not to have the same feelings as the girl did. I laughed at the ending and enjoyed both the literal and metaphorical Elephants. Nicely done.
Nancy Bucca 12/18/13
Wow, I'm amazed at the creativity in this romantic comedy. It made me laugh, and I love the happy ending.