The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
11/29/13
This is a different way of looking at it- Jesus being the wolf in sheep's clothing. I guess maybe those who are deceived may think so.

You have a good imagination of how the conversation might go back them. Good job!

Did you mean "low-life's" instead of "low-light's?"
Blessings, LaVonne
11/30/13
This one confused me a bit with the dialogue. Simply because you move back and forth between a more modern style voice (things like "this guy" and "buddy") and a more period style of speech - sometimes in the same speech. That makes it more difficult to follow.

The idea of the article is an excellent one, and I love stories that reveal a "behind the scenes" look at how people may have reacted to biblical events. Your characters were good ones, but in the end I had a tough time getting past the back and forth nature of their voices. Others, I'm sure, won't be so distracted by it, but I'm an old scriptwriter, so I'm extra-sensitive about it, I guess.

Thanks for sharing, though. Your story made me go back and re-read this portion of scripture and see some things I never noted before, so excellent job!
11/30/13
An excellent slant on topic; from a Pharisee's point of view of course.

I saw the irony of the argument from a different perspective to the one I am used to; which is why you refered to the Screwtape Letters I guess. I think you did an excellent job of that.

My red ink is that I found it difficult to read and understand 'who' was talking; and even going back over it slowly I lost track until I finally figured it out.

Perhaps part of this was the mix of contempory and older style speech, as mentioned before.

Maybe a sloution would be transitions that show Asher is still speaking. ( His voice quickened as his anger rose, "“This carpenter tells clever sob stories...") for example.

I also really enjoyed the irony of joyful anticipation in your ending. Poor Asher, such disappointment awaited him.
11/30/13
I thought this was excellent and had no trouble reading the conversation as you placed the quotation marks in just right places. I enjoy reading stories like this because I can put the characters in place with bible verses. I liked that the end lead up to the story of Saul. Excellent.
12/02/13
A really clever and attention getting entry! Excellent job. Loved the different perspective and POV. Really beyond clever.

God bless~
12/05/13
Congrats Noel! God bless~
12/05/13
I like these stories of yours. The different perspective gives me a fresh understanding of daily life in those days. I had no problems in understanding the dialogue and your little trademark words, like Bah, are reassuring. Congratulations on yet another EC!
12/06/13
Congratulations on your EC for this entertaining recounting of the Bible story. Already knowing who the author was,I was waiting for some puns. Calling Saul's group the 'Sleutherans' was an interesting choice! Well done!
12/15/13
Oh this was a spectacular dialogue and contained so many of the actual occurrences that might have enraged the religious leaders. And then the icing on the cake was your allusion to Saul of Tarsus. Woo hoo thanks for this wonderfully crafted piece.
12/15/13
Oh this was a spectacular dialogue and contained so many of the actual occurrences that might have enraged the religious leaders. And then the icing on the cake was your allusion to Saul of Tarsus. Woo hoo thanks for this wonderfully crafted piece.