The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
10/21/13
Sad and poignant - definitely makes me wonder exactly what Mandy did! And the verse gives me a bit of unease, to be honest. Guessing that was what you were going for.

It seemed that your point of view wasn't really consistent. Sometimes you were in the mother's head, and other times the police officer. To me, it was a big jarring.

Great story. Thanks for sharing!
10/21/13
This was a powerful story in its content and delivery. I pray this isn't a true account.

Potent and on topic.

God bless~
This is a sad story. I don't know how parents survive the death of a child and I pray I never know. I wondered what she did to cause her death, drink and drive, text and drive, play chicken? I guess it doesn't matter. The message is important and can fit the way the reader needs it to. Nice take on the topic.
Beautiful story. I think remaining in the mother's point of view for the entire story would make it even stronger. You can show us the officer's unease and sorrow through how she sees him move and act. I think my own curiosity would like a little hint as to what risk Mandy had taken. Thank you for sharing.
Congratulations! Happy Dance!!
10/24/13
Congratulations! God bless~
10/24/13
Congratulations!

Wing His Words
Congratulations on placing 5th in your level and 23 overall! (the highest rankings can be found on the message board)