The worst seven words of my life "You'll just need to fill out these forms".
Handed to me, the stack feels heavy in my arms. It is as high as the tower of Piza and threatening to spill like Vesuvius. Whomp! I set it down on the table, and sigh.
It's going to be a long morning.
I fly through the first few questions... How long have you been a Christian? Where do you go to Church? Do you believe in Jesus? Mmm.. hmm! Done and dusted. Next page. The clock ticks symbolically above my head, and time is running out.
Uncomfortable on my wooden seat, I shift uneasily. Things get a little trickier here; Why are you a believer? Do you tithe regularly? Do you read your bible and pray every day?
It feels like the Spanish Inquisition, but everything so far has been a fairly easy "yes", I'm a good Christian, I try.
Have I ever stolen something? Well... there was that one time, but come on! I was young. Surely that doesn't count.
Have I ever lusted after a girl?
Ouch. Lied. Its kind of a no-win situation, that one. To say no would be a lie.
The sun rises and sets on the office, but inside nothing changes. Bright, glaring lights and a grumbling tummy accost me. This is important, this is infinity in my hands.
And I'm not doing so well.
Relinquishing the papers, I feel a desperate hopelessness overcome me. Hours, waiting. Forever is coming, and I can feel it. Heaven or Hell...
"Sir, your results are back". The office lady yawns as she hands me my life sentence.
My hand trembles. Heart beats faster. Sweat drips slowly... and I dare myself to look.
No. No, this can't happen to me. No.
I am the worship leader, a great father, the "Good Man". My wife and I organise mission trips, help the youth group, take soup to sick people.
I am a man of
but not perfection.
And that is why the system doesn't work, why I need forgiveness, why I need...
I fall down on my knees, and beg for forgiveness.
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