The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
08/22/13
Wow-This was so intense in its meaning and presentation. Fabulous! Such warmth and truth popping off the page as I read totally immersed in your words of truth.

Loved it. God bless~
08/22/13
Tears are flowing as I try typing my comments. Having lost loved ones at young ages to cancer and watching their last moments; you captured the feeling of God's presence in times of great sorry.

Beautifully written, stirring and reassuring, full of love and encouragement. If this is true you are in the right ministry (career).
08/23/13
Your anecdotes about the patients are extremely touching.

I think your entry would be stronger without some of the description in the first few paragraphs. In the first paragraph, you mix three metaphors; the day is compared to a person (it exhales), a kaleidoscope, and something painted. Then in the next paragraph, you use the phrase "ends its life" which usually infers suicide, not what you intended. I'd suggest paring down the descriptions and starting at about paragraph 4, where the real 'oomph' is.

Once I got the heart of your stories, I was riveted. Very well done.
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