The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/05/13
Heartwarming and truthful entry. Many good points and important messages.

God bless~
This is interesting. I didn't realize Bill Gates had done all of those things. It is certainly inspirational. You have packed a lot of information in only 750 words.

The main red ink I might offer would be to do more showing. Take your opening sentence, it starts off as telling. I think it might have pulled me in more if you could have brought the MC to life with something like William vowed to find a cure for polio and agonized over different ways to build a Thermos to keep medicine at a proper temperature.

I almost always love a good twist, and you grabbed my attention with this one too. I do wonder, though, if it may have been more powerful to start off right away with the Microsoft millionaire who vowed to use his money to help the less fortunate. I know I was intrigued when I learned the true identify of William.

I had no idea that he did all of these wonderful things. It really made me look at him through new eyes. You did a wonderful job of tackling the topic in a fresh and fascinating way. You also made me stop and think about how I might tend to judge people who I don't even know. It's a great reminder to me to look a bit deeper and get to know the true heart of people. This is a well written inspirational piece that will make people stop and think about many things. I have no doubt the Holy Spirit will use these words in many different ways and will bless many people.