The Official Writing Challenge
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Wow this is such a powerful story. I found myself choking up as I read it. You really showed me the pain of the MC. It oozed off the page (in a great way)

There are some tiny technical things, like comma use with quotation marks or vs a semi-colon. You may want to review some of those complicated rules. I like Strunk and White's Elements of Style and I use this website too: http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/commas.htm Also if you doubles space between paragraphs it makes it easier to read. Sometimes when I copy and paste my story, the extra spacing disappears and I have to go back and add it again, so you also always want to hit preview before submit so you can see what it will look like to the reader. Also when quoting from the Bible, either use quotation marks or italics. If you have any questions about how to do the italics or whatever check the FAQ on the message boards.

Overall, though I think you told a compelling story. You introduced the conflict immediately which pulled me in and the suspense held my attention right to the end. It's vital that stories like this continue to be told lest we forget. Outstanding writing!
07/27/13
Incredibly interesting and touching. Thank you for sharing on this important topic. Well done.
A powerful story that can be made even better by implementing Shann's suggestions. Well done.