Maggie sat in her favorite chair; nose pressed against the window. I glanced at my watch, only for the zillionth time, but it finally cooperated. Close now.
“Scootch over, Mags.” I hefted myself onto my knees beside the pup.
She flung her head over her shoulder and looked at me with her big chocolate eyes and made a sound that surely was a sigh.
“I’m sorry, but I’m waiting for the mailman too.” She didn’t move so I nudged her over a bit which made her sigh sound even humaner; then she gave up and lay down at my feet instead.
“One of us has gained weight, Girl. We used to both be able to look out the window like this together waiting for Mr. Dreamboat. I’m thinking too much ice cream, hamburgers, pizza, cookies and chocolate is what messed that up.”
Slowly and painfully, I maneuvered myself back into the chair like a person instead of a dog. As I pulled down my twisted shirt, I realized the love handles that bubbled out of each side of me were as big as two Maggies. I bent over and rubbed my achy, too-young-to-have-arthritic knees, then sat back against the chair in a pant.
“Thirty, Maggie! I’m thirty. How could you let me get like this? You know, it is your fault. If you wouldn’t stop and sniff every five feet on our walks, it might be more of a work-out. And don’t even point out your short legs and tell me that’s the reason you can’t walk any faster. I’m not buying it.”
Maggie moved away from me and positioned herself by the door. She must’ve sensed my growing animosity towards all things skinny by that point. I could never hold it against her though. It was just Maggie and I against the world. And it would stay that way, especially if I didn’t get the extra hundred off this body. What man in his right mind wanted someone who would rather feast than dance? Who would rather read and snack than ski? Or eat than do….do just about anything. No, just me and my dog.
But, I did have some hope. You see, I was up late one night watching television and fell asleep on the couch. Maggie woke me licking my hand. Ew. But anyway, there was this weight loss infomercial on. It sure seemed legit.
They had actual movie stars who had lost weight using these products. MOVIE STARS! The before and after pictures were amazing! They also showed regular people, of course. Big people. People like me. I could relate. I rolled off the couch and went on a search for my credit card. The one I kept hidden just so I don’t get suckered into late night shopping—such as this. And before I knew it, I was talking to a sales rep. That woman had lost weight on it too! I was so excited. I just knew I’d lose weight this time. They wouldn’t give a money back guarantee, if not.
But anyway…there I was, waiting for the mailman to bring me the goods. I’d been expecting them for the past couple of days but just knew that day was the day.
Maggie turned her head to the side. She stood and stretched, and then her ears perked up. “Woof-woof-woof-woof-woof, “she barked at the closed door.
I anxiously swung it open. “Hi, Teddy.” I twirled my hair. Did I mention Teddy was cute? And husky?
He said my name. Sigh…I reached out and took it from him; our fingers touched. Swoon….
“Finn, ummm…” Teddy stood, red-faced.
“You wanted to say something?”
“Yeah…Finn, I noticed you ordered diet stuff. You don’t need this.” He bent down and scratched his knee, then popped back up again. “I think you’re perfect!”
That time, my face turned several shades of red.
“You do? Perfect?”
Teddy took my long-awaited and most anticipated package away from me, and wrote in big black letters – RETURN TO SENDER! and he stuffed it into his bag.
After that, he got a funny look on his face, and then he did the unexpected—he leaned in and placed a perfectly well-positioned kiss right onto my waiting lips.
Teddy picked up Maggie. Between doggie kisses he said, “Finn, I’ve wanted to ask you for a while now… well, I know you girls are a two-fer, and seeing how Maggie can’t go to a restaurant, how about lasagna and Alpo at my place?
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