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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Hum (06/06/13)

TITLE: "Strike a Note of Truth"
By CD Swanson
06/13/13


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"We just bought our newest home. The other was in a less than desirable neighborhood," Debbie's voice could be heard throughout the huge living room.

"Oh, so I'm guessing that homes in the price range of three million was too low for you and your hubby huh?" Candance commented in her typical glib fashion.

Debbie continued boasting, "The newest home we purchased has an estimated value of ten million, and we got it for half that value." She threw a cracker with the finest caviar into her mouth, past the newly purchased twenty-thousand dollar teeth.

Chopin's Polonaise was playing softly accompanying Debbie's usual litany of how great I art. The gathering was mainly adults, with three children. Two of which were on the floor playing with their Barbie dolls. Megan, a tow-head beauty was looking at Debbie while she played with her glamour Barbie doll. The other, Jennifer, with braids the color of fire, played but was totally disconnected with the people and conversation, seemingly in her own world.

"Oh, wait until you see our massive bedroom. It's forty feet by forty feet...Josh suggested we put in a bowling alley to fill-up the space, my hubby is a card," she bragged and laughed her cackle-laugh.

This went on for about one hour, until thankfully the wait staff brought in the main meal. It was not a formal sit-down, so people gathered their food choice and brought their plates to their seat of choice. The little children, along with the youngest, a little boy named Brady, were busy eating their finger-food.

Debbie continued between bites, "Oh, did I tell you we have a six car garage now along with a gym? Yes, this house should be good for awhile."

Most people were fascinated, much to Candance's chagrin. She'd hoped and prayed that one day Debbie might find the ability to realize her blessings, and that she'd show humility. She'd always prayed for her friend.

Debbie finally took a breath and held her tongue for about five minutes or so. The children and their voice's were the only thing heard They played with their dolls, holding an interesting dialogue.

Tow-head: "I'm the best there is. I have the best house, and I have a six car garage. I'm the best."

Fire-head: "So, what. I have a big house too."

Tow-head: "Yeah, but I got a bigger house than you do."

Fire-head: "Yeah, but when you talk nobody cares."

Tow-head: "Well, I have the best house."

Fire-head: "But nobody likes you."

At that moment, the instruments thankfully began to hum again. Debbie's face was as red as the little girl's braids. She slowly put down her plate, and walked away.

Candance followed touching her friend's arm she offered, "Debbie, sometimes out of the mouth of babes, comes harsh truths."

"Am I that bad? Do people really not like me?"

"Well, I think it's more like, they're tired of your bragging. There are more things to life than homes. And, quite frankly, some people, although wealthy, are not impressed and are bored with your usual me, me, me, talk."

"Wow. Thanks for your honesty. I have to work on that."

"Well...if you need help, I'm here."


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This article has been read 149 times
Member Comments
Member Date
harvestgal Ndaguba06/13/13
Wow I enjoyed this story. Love the way the kids brought out the truth.
lynn gipson 06/13/13
I enjoyed this all the way through and thankfully, out of the mouths of babes comes the truth. I am glad Debbie saw herself as she really was. This is terrific, and a very important message. Thanks for your usual extraordinary story telling!
Dannie Hawley 06/16/13
You've crafted a terrific message of truth on more than one level with this well-told story. Certainly the children have learned from the example of their parents, and now one can hope that Debbie will learn truth from hearing her own words come out of the mouth of her own progeny. This is also a good example of how we grow out of the unencumbered ability to call a spade a spade. Obviously, other adults had seen what only the child was able to speak outloud. On the other hand, would Debbie have been able to hear the truth from an adult? Thanks for a thought-provoking, yet entertaining article.
Sandra Renee Hicks 06/19/13
Hi -

This truly engaged. Yes, and the lesson is clear. Thank you for sharing what's most meaningful.

You may consider a stronger ending...
Linda Goergen06/26/13
This was a short and sweet, wonderfully done story, that created great visuals within a powerful message! I thought if fit the topic perfectly because they “hum” of Debbie’s bragging got on my nerves just reading the story, one could only imagine hearing her go on and on in person! I liked your twist on the old hymn, changing it to “how great I art.” That line alone told volumes about Debbie! I also like how you brought into your story how impressionable children are to what goes on around them, and also how innocently they can reflect the truths played out around them! Based on the true world, I did question the reality of one like Debbie so readily and good spiritedly accepting the truth at the end…but miracles still do happen and it was a good ending for the message the story presented. I really enjoyed the read!