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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Hum (06/06/13)

TITLE: Hummin' da Song o' Jesus
By Dave Walker


Tanks fer comin' to ma humble abode. Take a seat. Dis trailer don' get much light, but no need t' see too much o' dis ol' bent body.

Weren't always like dat, mind. Time was I's big 'n strappin'. Truth is, I had ta be, ta protect Mama. Papa were real vicious when he drunk. First I had to run 'n leave Mama ta get knocked about, but I grew up -- angry 'n strong. By time I's fifteen, could beat Papa every time he come near Mama drunk. Mos' times 'twas just a left 'n a right ta floor 'im.

One day he come home mean drunk, murder in his eye. I's dodging da meat cleaver in da kitchen, keepin' him from Mama, when I gets ma chance. A quick one two 'n a right uppercut. His head clicks back like a jacknife 'n he's fallin'.. Darn if his head don' hit da marble sink 'n he crumple in a heap.

When he don' wake up, we call da ambulance. In a coma fer a month, 'n comes home meek as a lamb. Follows Mama round da house like a child. She dresses 'n feeds him 'n she's happy. She's a child ta mind 'n never has ta fear fer her life.

I tell myself I'm glad; he had it comin', but deep down he's still ma Papa 'n I done a terrible ting. Turned a roarin' lion 'nto a kitten. Truth is, I hate seein' Papa like dat.

Now with no breadwinner tings get bad. Den one o' Papa's mates comes round. "Danny," he say, "you're a tough one standin' up ta your Papa like ya did. Why not put dose fightin' skills ta work?"

Dat's how Fightin' Fury's born. I's a champion. I make a load and take care o' Mama 'n Papa till Papa dies.

Den one fight change it all.

In da ring Charlie da Cruiser's hammerin' me. I'm all beat up in ma corner after round six. Ma trainer say, "Listen up Danny, Charlie is ya Papa. He's come home drunk. If ya don' stop him, he'll kill ya Mama. Get him, Danny. Don' let him kill ya Mama."

I's a li'l boy again. All da anger 'n hatred rise up in me 'n as da bell goes I charge at Charlie. One, two to da face, one to da belly double him up 'n Pow! An uppercut knocks his head back like he's a ragged doll. He lies on da floor t' da count o' ten.

'N don't get up. Just like Papa.

He lie dere like Papa 'n I know he won't make it. He die in hospital 'n I'm broken. Da shame hid deep inside burst its banks 'n flood ma soul. I quit boxin' 'n start drinkin'. I drink 'n drink, but nothin' eases ma shame. Rock bottom, wi' no dosh 'n no hope, an angel rescue me. Honey take me home, collect ma tears in her heart 'n cry with me. Den tells me 'bout Jesus 'n I invite Him in.

He come gently; not pushin' His way with loud Halleluyas. Just bringin' peace in ma pain. He allow me space ta cry fer ma kitten Papa.

Honey become ma wife 'n give me two strappin' boys like myself -- fighters -- but fer da Lord. But ma trials keep comin'. Like Job, I guess. Ma Mama's mind goes, ma angel goes ta her precious Jesus and Pete, ma son's martyred in Sudan. But I's content in ma trailer.

What ya say? How'd I manage dese trials 'n still stay smilin'? I was hopin' ya'd ask. Ya see, I's discovered I can hum da song o' Jesus. Yeah I said hum. See, ya don' need ta know words ta hum. Jus' da tune. If ya know da tune, ya can enjoy da song.

I don' always know Jesus' ways. Sometimes I ask why dis way o' pain 'n hardship, but I know His tune. He play it on earth 'n it reach its loudest 'n most beautiful on da Cross. Da song o' love fer me. I don' know how He work it all out -- I don' know all da words -- but I sure love da tune 'n I can hum dat any time I like.

Well, I see it's time fer y'all ta go. But before ya go, would ya like ta learn dat tune? Ya'll find it right here in God's music book, da Bible.

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This article has been read 279 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Patsy Hallum06/15/13
I enjoyed the dialog. The story is timeless. When will there be an end to marital violence? It's hard to write local dialog, but you did good. Thanks.
Laury Hubrich 06/19/13
Music helps so much. Thank you for sharing:)
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 06/20/13
You did a really nice job of building this character. I could easily picture sitting there next to him listening. I did struggle with trying to follow the story because of the accent. It gives the MC a lot of character, but next time you may want to consider possibly having a narrator to break it up a bit. You did tell a powerful story though and once I did get through it all, I was so touched by the MC. He is a very likable character. Congratulations for placing 3 in your level and 20 overall!