The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/19/13
This was really interesting. I'm so glad I got to read it. Thank you for sharing!
06/19/13
Very interesting story. Thank you.
This is a powerful story. You had a lot of interesting facts too that I didn't know about. One thing you may want to do is try to do more showing and less telling. For example this line: After leaving the boat she rode with enthusiasm through the well-manicured German streets enjoying the burst of color in flowers, buildings and people.
could be done with something like this: After the boat docked, a smile spread across her face as she pedaled down the streets; her eyes darting about and absorbing the well-manicured streets.
It's not perfect, but I hope how it shows you can paint a picture, even in nonfiction. This is a great story and an important one to tell lest we forget. Congratulations on ranking 8th in level 3!