The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
05/30/13
A clever way of presenting the topic, I knew that Exodus would be showing up a lot for this category, but you managed to make it fresh and new! Nicely done, I really liked it...

God bless~
I love this modern take on the Exodus. You did a fantastic job of developing the characters. I found myself chuckling as I read. The only thing I noticed is when the same person is speaking and you need to start a new paragraph, there should be no end quotes at the end of the paragraph, only ones at the beginning of the next sentence to show it is still the same person. You may have wanted to add some simple taglines or narrative lines as well to make sure the reader realized who was speaking. I truly enjoyed every word of this and thought it was a great fresh and creative take on the topic. I also like how you very clearly stated your message without coming off as preachy. It makes me wonder how many times God has me hike around the mountain.
I have to apologize. After I made my comment, I read it again because it was such a delight and see you did the quotation marks correctly. I'm sorry I must have mixed it up with another story or just missed the marks. This was even more delightful the second time through.
06/02/13
Interesting from beginning to end, and so true to scripture. Great illustration of the topic too. I enjoyed it very much.
06/04/13
Clever take on the topic. Very interesting and an enjoyable story. Thanks for sharing your talent!
06/04/13
This is great. At my church this summer, I'm helping with a children's musical. We have 45 kids involved. In the musical, some kids go on a Nile River cruise, and the cruise/entertainment director tries to tell them Bible stories that happened along the Nile, but gets them mixed up. In one of the songs, he portrays Pharoah as the hero, and the kids correct him. This story made me think of that and smile. :)

I noticed a very small typo, and a few places where rewording things a bit might have helped with the flow, but nothing major.

Nice job with this!
06/06/13
Congrats! God bless~
06/06/13
Congratulations on you well deserved placing! Great writing.
Congratulations for ranking 2 in your level and 14 overall! (The highest rankings can be found on the message boards)