The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 448 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
05/30/13
Oh my goodness, but this is a beautiful one. I would be willing to venture this is a winner, and if not it most certainly should be! Thank you for sharing this wonderful, touching story. Excellent!
What a beautiful tribute to a dear friend. I hope you pass this on to her family as I am sure it will be cherished for a long time.

I noticed quite a few punctuation errors, especially with the quotation marks. If you use a tagline like she said, then generally at the end of said or the dialog there will be a comma.You may want to consider doing away with some taglines and instead of Barbara answered playfully. try something like: Barbara waved her hand at me and shook her head while attempting to suppress a giggle.
THat not only lets the reader know who is speaking, but also paints a picture.

I think you covered the topic in a fresh way. My heart aches for your loss but am so grateful that this wonderful lady had such faithful friends and family to help her through the tough times. Good job.
05/31/13
I really liked the way you expressed the connection between the MC and yourself. it was very real. It was a touching story and penned with love...

Keep Winging His Words!
05/31/13
This is a very touching piece, and I think all of us have had that one person God brings into our life that just shines brighter than the rest. For two and a half years I worked at a Family Care Home and have spent much time visiting elderly folks and ministering to them at the nursing homes, so I could envision the setting well. You did a good job of painting the beautiful character of your now departed friend. Thank you for sharing this here in the challenge. I enjoyed it very much!
05/31/13
My mother-in-law used that "crackers with whine" expression to her grandchildren, and they still remember it 40+ years later. This is a great story and well written. I thoroughly enjoyed it.
06/01/13
Wow, you really pulled at my heartstrings with this powerfully touching piece! Beautifully done, a winner in my book! How precious of the Lord to let you see barbara's special butterfly when you needed His tender reminder of His Presence in the middle of the anxiety and the pain God knew would soon come to you and Barbara's loved ones!
06/05/13
This story is so amazingly touching and beautifully visual and a wonderful tribute to a special friend in your life! The butterfly in the story and its meaning especially touched me, as I had a special online friend whom I had grown to love dearly, and the symbolism reminded me of her.

My friend had gotten cancer and fought it for a long time and thought she had it beat, only for it to return full force. I was upset and even questioned God why he would allow this to such a wonderful person who was a joy, not only to me, but many others, as when in remission, she would go and sit with cancer patients at the hospital and minister to them and witness of God’s healing power. When her cancer returned, she did not even live another month…but I often told how sad I was. She wrote me back and told me she was just a caterpillar on this earth, but God was getting ready to turn her into a beautiful butterfly. She even told me she had a dream and felt she was a butterfly, beautiful and free flying toward Heaven! She even wrote a poem about it before she passed and I have never forgotten it! Your story reminded me of this.

This story may have been short, but it was packed with power, so well done, I could imagine your friend’s “whine” voice and see her laughter and feel God minister to both her and you with the butterfly! What a great message in the story too, SHOWING God is there in the midst of our pain and heartbreak! I too say, in my book for sure, this is a winner!!!!