Home Read What's New Join
My Account Login

Read Our Devotional             2016 Opportunities to be Published             Detailed Navigation

The HOME for Christian writers! The Home for Christian Writers!
The Official Writing Challenge



how it works
submission rules
guidelines for
choosing a level


submit your entry
read current entries
read past entries
challenge winners

Our Daily Devotional HERE
Place it on your site or
receive it daily by email.



how it works   Submit

Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Rattled (05/09/13)

TITLE: Ol' Rattletrap
By Vince Martella


The keys jangled in the ignition as the old Jeep rumbled down the road. It was a beautiful summer morning, already steamy as the sun rose slowly in the Western sky.

“There, Henry, did you hear that?” Mildred asked.

“Hear what?” asked Henry.

“That rattle. I distinctly heard a rattle somewhere,” said Mildred.

“What kind of rattle was it?” Henry asked.

“I don’t know,” Mildred flustered. “What does it matter? I know what I heard. Maybe it’s the brakes.”

“No, brakes squeal,” said Henry. “Besides, I changed the rotors and pads a few months ago.”

“Well, then, maybe it’s the transmission,” Mildred said.

“Nah, the transmission gives more of a clunk,” Henry said. “And maybe a whine too; in any case, you’d feel some jerking as well." Henry eyed her with suspicion. “I think you’re imagining things. Is there a jerk in the truck?”

Mildred shot Henry a look.

“Very funny,” said Henry. “Listen, it’s a gorgeous day. Let’s just enjoy the drive. We’ll be at your mother’s before you know it.” Even as he said it, Henry could feel his nerves rattle. He loved his mother-in-law, but whenever they visited, he always felt that he had to prove himself.

“There it is again. It sounds like it’s coming from the tire,” Mildred said. “Have you checked the tires lately, Henry?”

“The tires are fine, Mildred,” Henry said, slightly annoyed. “Besides, that would be a vibration.”

“Well, what about the radiator then?” Mildred asked.

“That would be a hiss,” said Henry dryly. “The temperature gauge is reading normal.”

“Well, something's wrong, Henry. Could there be a problem with the engine?” Mildred asked, panic beginning to creep into her voice.

“No, Mildred; that would be a knock.” Henry straightened in the driver’s seat and composed himself. “Listen, Mildred, the truck is fine. The battery is good. The tires have plenty of tread. The oil, power steering and brake fluids are all filled.” He looked her in the eyes and spoke slowly. “I love you, and I’m not going to leave you stranded on the side of the road. I need you to trust me.”

Mildred sat in silence, looking crushed.

Henry sighed deeply. “I believe you, Mildred. Let’s just pull over and I’ll take a look under the hood, ok?”

“Thank you,” Mildred said softly.

Henry pulled the jeep onto the shoulder. A cloud of dust rose as he stepped out onto the hot, desert road. The crimson tinged mountains loomed in the background. Opening the hood, he walked around to Mildred’s side and peered into the engine.

“Henry!” Mildred shouted, as she watched him stumble back and fall to the ground. She shot out of the jeep and grabbed his arm, helping him up. “What happened?”

Henry pointed to the engine. Coiled up just above the passenger side wheel well was a diamondback. Henry remembered his pre-dawn errand to the grocery store and guessed the snake must have crawled up into the engine, sensing the heat.

The snake hissed and rattled as they stood perplexed. “Did he bite you?” Mildred asked, alarmed.

“No, just startled me,” Henry said, as he brushed himself off.

“What are we going to do?” Mildred asked.

“I’ve got this,” Henry said firmly. Mildred shot him another look. “Hey, trust me, remember?” Henry said.

Henry opened the back and began to rummage around. He found some tools, a small shop vac with attachments, a ratcheting tie down and some duct tape. He stared at the items until an idea popped into his head. After a few minutes, he headed toward the hood with a nifty little snake lasso.

From the passenger seat, Mildred watched Henry appear with his contraption. In a moment, she saw him carefully walking out into the desert with the rattler dangling from the strap. Several moments later she watched him running toward the jeep, arms and legs flailing wildly.

“What happened?” Mildred asked as Henry plopped down, winded, in the driver’s seat.

“I dropped the snake,” he panted. He was dripping with perspiration.

“What about your contraption?” she asked.

“Dropped it right after that. I guess I’ll get it on the way back,” he laughed.

“That was pretty scary, huh?” asked Mildred.

“Not really.” Henry cranked the engine confidently. “The Bible says that we have power to tread upon serpents and scorpions and over all the power of the enemy.”

“Well,” Mildred laughed, “you must have had some kind of power because you haven’t ‘treaded’ that fast since high school!”

The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
Accept Jesus as Your Lord and Savior Right Now - CLICK HERE
JOIN US at FaithWriters for Free. Grow as a Writer and Spread the Gospel.

This article has been read 573 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Richard Hicks05/18/13
Loved this very humorous story. Very well written and your words kept my attention. Great job!
lynn gipson 05/18/13
Oh, this is good! I loved the relationship between the husband and wife and the way they handled each other about the snake. I smiled and then laughed. Great ending, great story!
Virgil Youngblood 05/19/13
Henry was as quick with a response as he was on his feet. Mildred kept him on his toes and you kept us in suspense trying to guess the ending. No luck for me there. Well done.
C D Swanson 05/21/13
I enjoyed this energizing tale and the MCs. Nicely done. God bless~
Verna Cole Mitchell 05/23/13
Congratulations on your EC recognition for this delightful story. I love the characters.
Nancy Bucca05/23/13
Congrats on winning 2nd place for this hilarious story!
lynn gipson 05/23/13
Richard Hicks05/23/13
Judith Gayle Smith05/23/13
Absolutely delightful! Congratulations!
Francy Judge 05/23/13
Congratulations for winning with this creative and fun story. Your dialogue was believable and delightful.
Bea Edwards 05/25/13
Well written and entertaining spousal dialogue. Congratulations on your winning entry.