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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Achoo (04/11/13)

TITLE: In the Beginning...
By Vince Martella


He stepped back and surveyed the masterpiece before him. Surrounded by beautiful flora and fauna, he smiled and admired his work. A soft breeze blew and the smell of jasmine and honeysuckle wafted in the air.

“Not too shabby. I couldn’t have done better myself.”

“Yes, I do rather good work, don’t I?”

“Yes, we do,” Jesus chimed in.

The Father smiled and addressed the Holy Ghost. “Just one more small detail and we’re finished. Would you do the honors?”

The Holy Ghost hovered over the man lovingly, caressing him as he drew near. The man stood like a statue, perfectly formed and lifeless. The Holy Ghost inhaled deeply and blew into Adam the breath of life.

Adam opened his eyes and was astounded by the wonder of this garden. Everything was lush and beautiful. The grass was soft and green, and had the most amazing smell. The trees swayed gently in the breeze. Birds chirped and sang around him. Creatures of all different shapes and sizes roamed in the distance. He stood and experienced an overwhelming sense of peace and love.

“Well, hello,” said a voice behind him.

Adam turned to gaze upon the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. Unlike the other animals, this one stood erect and was particularly attractive. He sensed this was no mere animal, but a creation like himself.

The creature looked at him quizzically. “Who are you?” she asked.

“I’m Adam,” he said. “Who are you?”

“My name is Eve.”

“I was created by God,” said Adam. He spun 360 degrees to give her a better look. “Impressive, huh?”

“Well, I…” Eve stammered.

“What do you mean,” whined Adam. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said, “I was just expecting something more…”

“More what?” asked Adam.

“More handsome, I guess. I don’t know; I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something off.”

Adam looked himself over. Then he looked at Eve. She was perfect in every way. From her flowing head of hair to her delicately formed toes, there was nothing Adam could see to improve upon.

“I don’t understand; is there something wrong with my body?”

“No, you’ve got a great body, strong and masculine. Your shoulders are broad and thick. And your arms are toned and muscular. The creator did a fine job indeed.”

“So what’s the problem,” Adam asked.

“Well, it’s your head,” Eve said.

“What’s wrong with my head? It’s in the right place isn’t it?” Adam reached up and felt his eyes, nose and ears. Everything seemed to be where it was supposed to be, yet something was off. He couldn’t quite place it. “I’ll be right back,” Adam said, running off through the garden.

“Eve’s not buying it,” said the Father. “I thought it might pass since she’s never seen another man before.”

“Well, it’s obvious she senses something is wrong,” Jesus said. "And now she’s got Adam worried. It’s only a matter of time before they figure out that it’s not normal."

“You should have let me fix it immediately,” the Holy Ghost said.

The Father grimaced. “Well, the man was coming around, and we would have had to put him down and start over. I didn’t want to traumatize him."

In the garden, Adam found what he was looking for at the edge of a clearing; a beautiful, clear blue stream. He ran to the edge and bent over to look in the water. Several deer, drinking at the water’s edge, bolted, startled at Adam’s sudden appearance.

“Well,” interjected Jesus, “he’s about to be traumatized now.”

The water rippled for several seconds. Adam strained to see his reflection clearly in the water.

“I don’t see why we didn’t just speak life into him,” said the Holy Ghost, “like we did with the rest of creation.”

“That would be too impersonal,” said the Father. “Man was our finest achievement, our crowning glory. It was fitting for you to breathe into him the breath of life yourself; in doing so you imparted us into him as well.”

As the last ripple faded, Adam peered into the clear waters and studied his reflection. As the image of his oversized head took hold, Adam gasped and screamed.

Jesus and the Father looked at the Holy Ghost.

“Alright, alright, I’m going. Remember, though, it was your idea to make him from the dust of the ground.”

The Father sighed. “I know. Just go fix him. And this time, please, try not to sneeze.”

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This article has been read 249 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Alicia Renkema04/21/13
You have the most incredible imagination! I loved this piece from beginning to end, even when I didn't always "get" what I was reading. It took just a couple of moments at the beginning to understand it was the Trinity conversing with one another. Then I got a little lost because it seemed like you had Eve being created first, and then I realized this must have been happening when Adam had been put to sleep so they could make Eve. Then when Eve said something was "off" I thought it was going to have something to do with his nose (you never let us know the answer to that so we have to figure it out which I think is cool). I was so unprepared for the fact that is was the Holy Spirit who had sneezed as He was breathing life into Adam. Very cool and hilarious story. So glad you entered for this topic (visa vie your remarks on forums), this was a treat to read.
lynn gipson 04/22/13
Great story. Loved it from beginning to end. Well written and put a big old smile on my face.

Great Entry!
Christina Banks 04/22/13
This made me giggle. I enjoyed your imaginative piece.
dub W04/22/13
Loved this whimsical allegory. Very creative.
Judith Gayle Smith04/22/13
Did not anticipate this! You kept me guessing to the very end. I would not use this "Chapter and Verse", but as soon as I can breathe again from laughing so hard . . .
Judith Gayle Smith04/22/13
Did not anticipate this! You kept me guessing to the very end. I would not use this "Chapter and Verse", but as soon as I can breathe again from laughing so hard . . .
Judith Gayle Smith04/22/13
Did not anticipate this! You kept me guessing to the very end. I would not use this "Chapter and Verse", but as soon as I can breathe again from laughing so hard . . .
Cheryl Harrison04/22/13
Ha! Very creative, loved every word. Thanks for writing.
Dana Anders04/23/13
To tell you the truth, I was a bit uncomfortable with this at first - seemed kind of irreverent to even faintly suggest God got something wrong. But my lighter self can see the humour. And God does have a sense of humour. So I guess it's okay. I did like the way you maintained suspense until the end. I could sure think of a few other things that are 'wrong' with 'Adam' on some days....like being hard of hearing and forgetfulness...and...and (!!). Joking, of course.