The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
04/20/13
Oh dear! I once was the one who didn't put the cover on correctly. I'm glad Archie made it to the train on time!
This was a darling piece, I just wish I was more familiar with said terminology of "pepper Pots." I had a hard time picturing what was mixed in with the gravy concerning the pepper. At first I thought it was something that held pepper like the small enclosures for loose tea (blanking on the name for them), but when the mom was talking to Dora about how she had supposedly forgotten to fill them, I thought it must be just another word for pepper shaker. So, did the pepper shaker fall into the pot of gravy? I think I need to read this again. I thought you kept the theme in tact from beginning to end, the characters were delightful, and I have been there with the sneezing attacks at various times, so I could empathize with the mom. I just got a little lost with the dialogue which I'm sure I wouldn't if I was more familiar with formal -english wording. Thank you for this and I love white pepper! Blessings to you.
Okay, just looked it up, it is the same as a pepper shaker! I really want to say that I thought your sentences were very well constructed and perfectly pictured what was all going on. I loved the sentence about the mom inhaling the cloud of white pepper and how her lungs were working hard trying to expel it. I also liked it when you talked about there was just enough pepper left in the air to tickle the nose into another achoo. This was quite well written. Thank you for teaching me some thing new today!
04/24/13
Cute and clever story! Well done. God bless!
Funtastic! Clever. I enjoyed this so very much . . .
Congratulations on ranking 21 overall!