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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: "Splash" 4-11-13 Deadline (04/04/13)

TITLE: To Be Set Free
By Myrna Noyes


The hulking brute loomed above her. Menacing. Making ominous grumbling noises as a dog about to attack. Breathing sooty smoke that stung her eyes and turned everything ash gray. It had intimidated her family for generations. Mocking. Taunting. Immoveable. It was a dragon spitting fire and brimstone, daily threatening the very existence of her and her family.

"I hate you! I hate you!" Her impotent screams bounced back without inflicting even a dent upon their object.

Auld lang syne, in the days of her great-great grandfather, it had belched its way up out of the ink-black bowels of the earth. Like some grossly overfed child or a balloon blown to bulging with hot air, the monster grew steadily over a matter of months--starting small but growing tall. Now it was a massive mountain of terror and torment--a cruel jailer keeping them imprisoned on the small peninsula of land jutting out into the wild sea.

"Go away! Go away!" She kicked at its solid flank. It mumbled momentarily, and her unshod toes stung and bled from the impact. Its bare, stony soil was no good for growing anything but thorns and thistles, which tore at and trapped anyone attempting to climb to liberty. No one yet had managed to scale its heights on account of bruising boulders and hazardous, steaming crevasses that encircled the summit. Rumor said that a roiling, boiling lake of fire was centered in a crater there. She believed it. The stench of sulfur often assaulted her nostrils on breezy nights.

Great-great Grandfather, two of his brothers, and three or four cousins, all with spouses and children in tow, had moved to the barren peninsula after participating in a failed rebellion against the Chief of their land. A ring of immense razored rocks created a hostile barrier between them and the depthless, shark-infested waters. Waves splashed and dashed and crashed against these unfriendly guardians, creating constant background noise to their days and nights.

When this mountain had emerged from Mother Earth's womb and shot to full stature soon after her ancestors settled here, it completely blocked them from all life beyond it.

"It's hopeless. Everything is hopeless." She bent down, picked up a stone and flung it with fury at the despised beast. It rumbled louder. But it did not budge. She dissolved into tears at its feet. Gazing at the vast, cloud-massed sky overhead, she yelled upwards to the unknown god, "What can we do? How can we get free? Is there no help for us?" Musty legends hinted that if one only knew the secret incantation the mountain would be compelled to move from its place.

In the wee hours of that humid, festering night a whisper tickled her ears. She awoke. She strained to listen. The words came. Soft, but strong. "Have faith in God. I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go, throw yourself into the sea,' and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him."

Her heart pounded with hope. "Who are You?"

"I am from above. I am God's Son. If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

The whisper ceased, and she lay quietly pondering until morning broke. She determined to obey the voice which had spoken assurance in the darkness, so she rose and made her way to the shadowy obstruction.

She faced its bulk. "I will have faith in the God above and His Son!" Her voice rose, and she spoke each word in commanding tones: "Go, throw yourself into the sea!"

It was as if invisible hands reached down and tugged. Rocks began to rain all around like a giant hailstorm. Clods of dirt flew. The mountain did not go quietly. With squeals of ripping and rending, cracking and crumbling, it was steadily wrenched from the earth. Moaning one last time, it finally released its hold.

She watched, astounded, as it was flung far into the sea with a mighty and terrible SPLASH! Bubbling and gurgling, it sank down and down until the sea completely swallowed up the sharp, jagged peaks. The waters smoothed out over it. As the voice had promised, the mountain was no more.

Her shining eyes caressed the heavens. Bright blue today. Joy trembled on her lips. "Thank You for setting us free."

Scriptures quoted in order: Mark 11:22,23; John 8:23 & 10:36; Matthew 17:20 (NIV)

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This article has been read 614 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 04/12/13
You did a splendid job with this piece. Your vivid descriptions brought the story to life. I really enjoyed this creative take on the topic.
lynn gipson 04/13/13
What a wonderful story with a wonderful message. Well written and compelling. I really enjoyed this story of what faith can do. Excellent.
Lori Dixon04/13/13
So true! Interesting and captivating story .... begs for another read. :)
Alicia Renkema04/13/13
It took me way longer than it should have to realize your obstacle was a mountain. I feel dumb... Once I did, I realized how very beautifully this piece had been constructed. God is so good for when we obey Him and practice our faith with that first small step of obedience, He always rewards. This is amazing writing. This is the kind of piece where one can get more out of it every time they read it. Many Blessings...
Danielle King 04/14/13
A wonderful and compelling story. Truly captivating, with your vivid imagery and powerful message of what faith in God can do. Excellent writng.
Sarah Elisabeth 04/14/13
So much in so short a piece. I would like to have seen her family there in bondage with her, but it would have taken too many words. Great allegory, they're not easy to write!
Bea Edwards 04/14/13
Masterfully written allegory. It took me a second read through to really 'get it' and absorb all the spectacular allusions to those things that bind.
Well done!!
Christina Banks 04/14/13
Interesting story. I'll admit that it took me a while to figure out it was a mountain. I was sure it was a dragon at first. Isn't it wonderful when God sets us free? Because then we are free indeed.
Judith Gayle Smith04/14/13
Incredible take on this verse. Positively breathtaking and engrossing.
C D Swanson 04/17/13
This is beyond brilliant. I cannot begin to describe how amazing this piece is. So, all I'll say is "thank you" for writing this oustanding story.

God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 04/18/13
Congratulations on ranking 11th in your level and 15 overall!