The Official Writing Challenge
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Whoa, what a suspenseful thriller this is. I could almost feel the panic. You drew me right in and my mind raced to try and figure out the captors. Perhaps government gone wrong, a cult or a deprogramming of a cult member. I struggled a bit st first to see the topic, but then a duh washed over me and the restraints tied in the topic. This is a great story. My biggest complaint is I want to read st least another 300 pages or so. :-)
03/08/13
I read this twice, both times finding myself gritting my teeth and squirming along with the MC. Very effective writing. Left me wanting more.
You did a great job of building increasing tension, thus readability. I thought the tie to the topic was a little weak but other than that -- great story. Well done.
03/08/13
You had from hello on this one. Very suspenseful, emotionally charged piece. Great writing.

God Bless
03/08/13
The "Tie" theme was weak, but the suspense was not. And I keep thinking, what am I missing that everyone else seems to get?

Your open-ended last sentence REALLY left me wanting more. :-)
03/08/13
Creeeeeepeeeeee. Unreal descriptions and atmosphere, with just enough hope to invite readers to rethink our own course.
Well done.
Great descriptions, but I was left wanting to know more about your MC. Was she a human or was she an android? Write another chapter and fill us in! :o) Thanks for writing.
03/09/13
I loved the suspense and the references to Firefly, and the story was intriguing. Since you asked for red ink, I'll tell you about the one thing that threw me off. I need to visualize the setting when I'm reading. When the MC said it felt like a hospital but wasn't, I wanted to know what made it not be a hospital. Then when I discovered she was in a chair, I wondered what made it seem like a hospital, besides the IV. I'm sure your descriptions were intended to create the sense of confusion the MC had, but they made it difficult for me to get into the rest of the story.
03/09/13
Haunting and spooky. Really well though out: however, I want to know more. Who was her family? What had she done?, etc.
03/09/13
The atmosphere and the suspense gripped me. I forgot to breathe. Brilliant writing, but I'm left bewildered. Was it sort of loosely based around Satan's attempts to force the MC to abandon her faith in God? Sorry to be so dumb. I'm old!
Like Danielle, I was reminded totally of the enemy of all our souls trying to wreck havoc with our beliefs, even the talk about the feel of snake oil. It didn't seem as if she were even on earth, it almost seemed as if she had been captured by demons and put into one of their "think tanks" of sorts." There were so many missing pieces, for something so short, I would have preferred not to have quite so many questions by the end of the piece. I was left wondering what exactly it was that I had read. Very suspenseful and gripping to be sure and totally scary scenario, but what was it that the MC was facing? Maybe I need to back and re-read. Maybe there is a clue there that I am missing...
03/09/13
Whoo eee creepy!
I'm still trying to figure out if the MC was a spy or a Christian in the end times...looking forward to a sequel as I'm not creative enough to figure this one out. Well written and suspenseful but left me hanging. Perhaps that was you point and I'm too dense to realize it :-0
I felt the tie at the start - the leather bands just tied it together.

We are in danger of losing our identities and becoming mere numbers if we aren't in the Christ. Tie our hearts to His . . .
03/10/13
This is a very cool sci-fi story! I'm a big fan of Star Wars, but I did watch a few Firefly episodes to get the connection.

Overall, I enjoyed it. I do understand why a lot of the other comments talk about being confused. If you don't read a lot of sci-fi type stories, it will leave you over-thinking the plot. I also know that 750 words is short for this type of work.

I liked it and I really enjoyed the parallels I saw within the story.
Very cool - I can totally see this as a modern day Twilight Zone segment.I have to agree that 750 words is not nearly enough to do this story justice. I might have left some of the Simon narrative out in favor of some more storyline since he's incedental. But, then, maybe that's just selfish - you've got a word count and I just want to read more of a great story. Creepy, edgy and very creative. Love it! Hope it places well.
03/11/13
This is a very mysterious piece. It left me wanting to read more. It was easy to read and did flow well, in my opinion.