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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Tie (02/28/13)

TITLE: PLEASE TIE MY SHOE
By Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom
03/06/13


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* Author's note: This is the print for a picture book geared for ages three to seven.

Oh, what a great day at school! Our teacher was named Mr. Green. Everyone liked him because he was firm, but never, ever mean.

All the kids got ready because there was so much to do. Allie stopped in her tracks and said, "Mr. Green, please tie my shoe."

First we practiced our counting skills. After one, comes number two. Brookelynn raised her hand and asked, "Will someone tie my shoe?"

During the morning message, Mr. Green told us what to do. But before we could start, first he had to tie Connor's shoe.

We loved to learn our ABC's. But when we sang, we stopped at Q because Danny raised his hand and said, "I need someone to tie my shoe."

Music time was lots of fun. There were drums, a guitar, and a flute. Emily suddenly stopped her strumming to ask the teacher to lace her boot.

At coloring time, we all drew pictures. Frankie asked, “Can we use markers too?”

Mr. Green smiled and said, “Of course, but first I must tie your shoe.”

Gretta ran to the back of the room. Whatever was she planning to do?
She stopped with a plop, and said, “I need someone to tie my shoe.”

Learning our colors was very hard work. Red, yellow, green, and blue. Halldyn pointed to his red socks, then said, “Oh no! Won’t you tie my shoe?”

Mr. Green had a stuffy nose. It made him sneeze and sneeze. Inga said, “God bless you and tie my shoe please.”

On picture day, everyone dressed up. John wore his new suit. Before he smiled and said cheese, he asked, “Can you fix my boot?”

Kennedy tripped and bumped her head. She never even cried. Mr. Green helped her up and said, “Oh no, look, your shoe is untied.”

Lydia gave Mr. Green a hug and said, “I love you.”

He patted her head and replied, “I bet you want me to tie your shoe.”

At recess, Martha ran fast so she would be first on the slide, but Mr. Green stopped her. “No running if your shoes are untied.”

During Show and Tell, Nora was the very first speaker. Before she shared, she said, “Please tie my sneaker.”

When the class got too noisy, Mr. Green said, “One, two, freeze!”

Olivia pointed to her shoes and whispered, “Tie them please.”

As we stretched our wiggles out, we tried to touch our knees.
Parker looked at his feet. "Mr. Green, will you tie my shoe please?"

Before lunchtime, we welcomed someone new. Quinten fit right in when he said, “Please tie my shoe.”

To lead the class to the lunch room, Mr. Green picked Rue. She hurried to the door, right after the teacher tied her shoe.

In the cafeteria, Sofie ate her stew. Then the lunch lady came over and tied her shoe.

After lunch, everyone had smiles on their faces. Timmy giggled and said, “Please tie my shoelaces.”

We were learning to write our names. Mr. Green showed how to make a U, then Ulyssess tapped him on the shoulder and asked, “Can you tie my shoe?”

At recess we played ball. When Violet ran around the bases, Mr. Green yelled, “Stop! I need to tie your laces.”

Wrigley sat on the floor. She tried and she tried. Finally she gave up and cried, “My shoes are untied.”

During art time, the class began to trace, but Xavier stopped and asked, “Can you tie my shoelace?”

At free time, Yasmine drew flowers and trees. When she was done, she said, “Tie my shoes please.”

After mastering the alphabet,Zach practiced writing a perfect Z. He noticed something wrong and said, “Mr. Green, tie my shoe please.

As the day came to an end, we all got ready to go. Mr. Green sighed and said, "Thank goodness, I have Velcro™."


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This article has been read 422 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Dannie Hawley 03/07/13
What an absolutely delightful read! Very clever way to present a review of the alphabet to the little ones, and coming up with a name for every letter is impressive. The kids will just love this in a book. Terrific job!
lynn gipson 03/07/13
AS we Mississippians and Tennesseans say down here, "That is the cutest thing I ever did see!" I will buy one of these books for my 6 year old granddaughter. Excellent, my dear.

Will make a wonderful book!
Amy Michelle Wiley 03/08/13
Very cute! I can picture this with lovely pictures of the kids and all their shoes. My only red ink is that at the beginning you say a few vague things about there being a lot to do or them being busy but you don't give us any details to picture exactly what that means. Later you do much more showing, so I can see the kids clearly. :-) Also, in the paragraph about Wrigley, there are several rhymes but there aren't any elsewhere, so I found it distracting. Otherwise this is awesome! Hope you can find someone to illustrate it. I'll bet you could even take photos to go with it.
Virgil Youngblood 03/09/13
Now that we know our A B C's, can't you teach me to tie my shoes, please. Delightfully done.
Cheryl Harrison 03/09/13
This is adorable. The ABC's of loose laces. You could publish this as a children's book. I would purchase it and read it to my granddaughter. Good job!
Alicia Renkema03/10/13
I can so easily see this as a story that not only is a great teaching aid for the alphabet, inspiring kids to want to keep their laces tied (which is no easy task with little ones) but one that a child would want read countless times because of the rhyming and all of the unusual names. They might even want to have it read with their own name inserted, I know my son would have when he was younger. I will pray that you will get just the right illustrator for this -- maybe someone at FW? You are so creative girl, way to write!
Danielle King 03/10/13
This is so cute and will make a great teaching aid for kids. I could picture them all as I read through this clever piece. I noticed that Amy didn't see the rhyming until the Wrigley lines. Neither did I until I re-read it and then saw them all. I think it was just the rythmn of the words, (I'm no poet mind)but that's something that might need tweaking. On the whole I think this will make an excellent teaching aid. As I've said before, you're good at stories about kids, and now I see you're good at stories for kids too.
Myrna Noyes03/10/13
What a cute and clever children's story all tied together with their shoelaces! :) I liked the rhyming, the ABC names, and the classroom setting (which most kids will be able to relate to). Many kids will find their names in here, also, which will make it extra special for them. Great job!
Noel Mitaxa 03/11/13
Very clever and creative work. If this has been simmering on your mind for a while, that's okay. Better 'lace' than never! A good fun approach to the alphabet, but that's quite the patient teacher, that Mr Green. Well done.
Judith Gayle Smith03/13/13
I found myself pulling for Velcro all through this. What delightful pictures you paint with mere words.
Bea Edwards 03/13/13
This is a fantastic, fun entry.
It will be a fabulous children's book that I look forward to reading to my grandkids!
Alicia Renkema03/16/13
You can do your happy dance Shann -- # 27 over all, pretty cool on this clever little piece for the kiddos. I sure wouldn't mind being a kid in your class -- what fun! Have a great Lord's day... Many blessings girl.
Loni Bowden-Horn03/19/13
This was so cleverly done. It has a sing-song rhythmn to it. This would be a guide for any child to use. I really like how you weaved the alphabet into the story.

Such an inspiring writer.

Congratulations on your 27th place overall.
Claudia Thomason 03/19/13
This was such a fun story. Being the foster mother of an 8 year old, I know it is possible for a classroom full of kids to need their shoes tied. And how clever was the alphabet worked in there! I will surely read this to my little girl. Thanks for giving us another moment to connect.