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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Accent (02/21/13)

TITLE: Coma's End
By Tim Pickl
02/23/13


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BOB
Hey Marcia... I know you can’t hear me right now, stuck in a coma an’ all, but I got you a present for your birtday. Yeah, I know you always wanted one-a-doze Hyundai Accent cars—so I got one for ya. Candle-apple red, just like you wanted. Sweet deal on a sweet car for my sweetheart. Come on, baby. I figured that’d wake ya up. A nice new Accent. She’s a pretty one. Come on, please wake up?

MURRAY
Aw, Bob. Just accept it. There’s no hope left. She’s gonna die. Can’t you see that?

BOB
Please, Marcia… please wake up.

MURRAY
Bob, I’m tellin’ you.

BOB
You ain’t tellin’ me nothin’, Murray. For weeks I’ve been sittin’ here, waitin’ for the love of my life to come outta dis coma… hopin’ and prayin’ all the way. An’ for weeks all I get from you is dis negative nonsense. Could you please leave me alone wit’ her for just a few minutes?

MURRAY
All right, all right already. You don’t hafta be so grumpy about it.

BOB
I ain’t grumpy. Now go…
Whew! much better witout sad-face Murray hangin’ around here like a bat... Dear God, what can be done here? I have every person I know prayin’ for her ta come outta dis, and it seems like nothin’s happenin’. Wake up, Marcia, please. Please help her, Lord, please.

I AM
Bob.

BOB
Yeah—who’s dare?

I AM
I AM.

BOB
Oh Lord, it’s You… wow…

I AM
Be encouraged, Bob. I have been with you every step of the way. Marcia is slowly healing from the inside out. She experienced many injuries in the car accident. Your prayers and the prayers of all of those people have come for a memorial before me as a sweet smelling savor. I am in control of the situation: fear not. Marcia will wake up at time I have appointed to positively affect many precious souls, most of whom you do not know.

BOB
Tank you, Lord. Tank you so much. I know You are here. I feel Your presence every day. Murray’s been here too—I appreciate it, but he’s so down all da time.

I AM
Murray listens to the negative voices around you; he’s only repeating the enemy’s words. They seek to discourage you in your faith. Hold fast to my unchanging hand.

BOB
I will. Tank You.

I AM
I love you, Bob.

BOB
I love You, Lord. Tank you. Tank You…

MURRAY
Bob?

BOB
Yeah?

MURRAY
Sorry to interrupt your prayin’—but I think you should come out here.

BOB
Now what? More bad reports from doctors?

MURRAY
Just come here.

BOB
All right.

MURRAY
Bob, this is Doctor Quinn. He’s a coma researcher.

BOB
Nice ta meet ya.

QUINN
Likewise. I saw Marcia’s story posted on our blog and was fascinated. I want to help you with this case.

BOB
You’re kiddin’ me.

MURRAY
No, he’s the real deal.

BOB
Tank You, God.

QUINN
We have developed and tested a new treatment for patients who have the same symptoms as Marcia. I am very confident that it will help her.

MURRAY
Hear that, Bob? He’s confident.

BOB
I can hear jus’ fine, Murray. Jus’ let the man speak, okay?

MURRAY
Okay. I’m just excited.

QUINN
That’s understandable. Let me accent the fact that this treatment is not perfect—no treatment is, really. But our success rate speaks for itself. I can show you our results. Do you want to sit down and talk about it?

BOB
I would love ta—Doctor Kim, is it?

QUINN
Quinn. Q. U. I. N. N.

BOB
Doctor Quinn: I’d love ta sit down wit’ ya, but how much is dis all gonna cost? I know you ain’t free.

MURRAY
But that’s the thing Bob, he’s—

BOB
Shut up, Murray, please?

MURRAY
Zippin’ it.

QUINN
I will do it at no cost to you. The only thing I ask is that once Marcia comes out of the coma we can accentuate her name in our promotional campaigns. You would just need to sign a Release form.

BOB
Dis is jus’ wonderful. Where do I sign?

QUINN
Actually, I brought the Release form with me, just in case you would be interested. It’s right here.

MURRAY
Sorry to interrupt again, but two nurses just ran in to Marcia’s room.

BOB
I gotta go.

MURRAY
I’m right behind ya.

BOB
Marcia’s awake!

MURRAY
I didn’t think…

BOB
Murray, you’re such a Job friend.


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This article has been read 262 times
Member Comments
Member Date
CD Swanson 03/02/13
Cute! Nicely done I enjoyed it, and your take on the topic.

God bless~
Cheryl Harrison 03/04/13
Cute take on the topic. I enjoyed the dialogue between your MC and the Lord. Glad to see that God brought an end to the coma. Keep writing.
Terry R A Eissfeldt 03/06/13
Great job and enjoyable read.
Judith Gayle Smith03/06/13
Attention keeping. My hubby survived a month and a half long coma when he was twenty-two - five years before I met him. Today they would pull the plug. How can we ever give up on God when He is always with those who love Him?

Loving you in through and because of Jesus, the Christ . . .

Have you "thrown a brick"?
http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=36621
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 03/07/13
Congratulations on ranking 30 overall!