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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Accent (02/21/13)

TITLE: A denominational allegory
By Jack Taylor
02/23/13


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A denominational allegory

The knobbed hickory cane jabbed into the cobblestones like a heron thrusting for crayfish. Pelting rain scattered at each determined step. A Yankees baseball cap, pulled low, almost hid the piercing eyes. The clenched jaw and deep scowl on its owner said it all.

Two young lovers, huddled under an umbrella in a café entrance across the way, noticed the shuffling old man and took another minute before braving the street. A narcotics officer masquerading as a ‘dumpster diver’ reached instinctively for his hidden phone. The block watch grandmother adjusted her drapes a little wider and fixated on the action sure to come.

The black trench coat wrapped around the hunched figure didn’t stop him from negotiating the wet stairway up to the door at number 316. The cane rattled the door glass as it smashed repeatedly against the wooden frame.

Within a minute the curtains were drawn back from the inside. The narcotics officer sprinted across the roadway during a break in the traffic and sheltered behind a tree with his gun drawn. The drapes on the third story apartment were now wide open.

The lovers lowered their umbrella and moved back into the sheltered alcove.
The intruder hesitated only a minute when the door remained closed. “Har ya da veazal dat insult my zohn? Cum out dis minoot and get yar thrashin.”

Inside the entranceway of 316 a slight bearded figure backed away from the doorway. The wide eyed stare and raised eyebrows gave their own message back.

“Vat iz da matta wit ya hed? Doan ya know dat people haz feelins? Now get out here and take yar thrashin. No man lookin like a billy goat insults my zohn and goes to bed without regret?”

The cane smashed repeatedly against the frame to emphasize the seriousness of the intention. The officer spoke urgently into his phone and the elderly apartment watcher began to dial. The young man opened the door of the café for his partner as she slipped inside to call for help.

Another figure joined the young bearded man on the other side of the door at 361. This one, potbellied, wrinkled, draped in a checkered bathrobe. He approached the door without hesitation. A Louisville slugger in his hand.

“What do you want?”

“I cum to avenge my zohn. He vas insulted by dat billy goat.”

“Are you calling my son a billy goat? I’d advise you to say your last prayers and step away from the door or you’ll be meeting your maker right now. Why isn’t your son here avenging himself?”

“He doan speek zo gud. Hiz family needz him to stay out of prizon.”

Sirens could be heard in the distance. The young lovers reunited in the alcove across the street and others emerged out of the café to join them as spectators of the confrontation at 316. The officer vaulted the wrought iron fencing lining the garden and raised his weapon as he moved slowly toward the stairs. The block watcher stood open mouthed and wide-eyed.

The potbellied bat holder let go of the doorknob and turned to the goateed young man sheltered behind him. “What did you say to his son?”

“Nothing! I couldn’t understand him.”

“Da billy goat iz lyin!” The cane smashed three more times for emphasis. “My Verner duz not lie. My zohn asked yar zohn vat teem he waz vatchin. Yar zohn told him he smelled like an ox.”

“An ox?” The inside intervener turned toward his son. “Why would you tell him he smelled like an ox?”

The bearded young man smiled. “I didn’t. I couldn’t understand him. I told him his accent was too much and I couldn’t help him.”

“So? Why would he be upset about that?”

“He obviously didn’t understand my accent. He thought I said ox scent.”

“Vat ar ya sayin bout my Verner?”

A full bellied chortle sounded. The door swung open. “Are you a Yankees fan or did you steal that from a sleeping drunk?”

The cap was removed. “Iz mine. Signed by Yogi Barra. See!”

“This bat is signed by Babe Ruth. Greatest of them all.”

“Iz gud. My zohn likes Babe Rooth.”

“Well my son likes Yogi Berra. Can he see your hat?”

The cane tip dropped to the porch stoop for support and the cap was extended.

“Come in. It’s the third inning. We’re up by two. It’s dry in here.”
The gun lowered. The drapes closed. The lovers embraced. The rain continued.


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This article has been read 826 times
Member Comments
Member Date
CD Swanson 03/02/13
Very clever and entertaining tale. I enjoyed it, and especially the way you closed, nicely done.

God bless~
John Huckstep03/02/13
I think this was a brillant bit of writing. Loved it!
Carla Procida03/04/13
Loved your story! I think you are a great writer, very entertaining story!,
Cheryl Harrison 03/04/13
I enjoyed this. You developed your characters very well and I like the way it ended. Good job!
Terry R A Eissfeldt 03/06/13
I'm glad for your title. It makes me look deeper than the sheer enjoyment of reading your excellent story. And it is excellent!
Good point! LOL
lynn gipson 03/06/13
Exceptional story and excellent writing! Thanks for sharing your talent.
Judith Gayle Smith03/06/13
Breathing became a wee bit difficult as I read through this - much relief when "os scent" was explained to be accent. Most clever!

Loving you in through and because of Jesus, the Christ . . .

Have you "thrown a brick"?
http://www.faithwriters.com/Boards/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?f=56&t=36621
Leola Ogle 03/07/13
Awesome job! Congratulations Jack!
Pam Ford Davis 03/07/13
Congratulations!
Lillian Rhoades 03/07/13
Fabulous!! So deserving of a first place win. Congratulations!!!
Beth LaBuff 03/07/13
GREAT entertainment, creativity, and humor. Super congrats on top honors.
Verna Cole Mitchell 03/07/13
Congratulations on recognition for an exceptionally well written story with great description, suspense, and humor.
Bonnie Bowden03/07/13
Very fun and entertaining. Sometimes, I was a little slow on picking up the accent. Congratulations on your 1st place MC award!
John Huckstep03/07/13
Congratualtions---Great job.
Terry R A Eissfeldt 03/07/13
Congratulations! Well deserved!
Judith Gayle Smith03/07/13
KJV Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

Thank you for glorifying God with your true, honest, just, pure, lovely, good, virtuous and praiseworthy winning entry! God bless you.

Love and verbal hugs,
Judi




Noel Mitaxa 03/07/13
You built the suspense brilliantly as you drew us into the ominous scenario, and with equal brilliance you wove in the caroet of the punchline - before pulling it out from beneath my feet. great work and a well-deserved EC first place.
Bea Edwards 03/07/13
Vay ta go Yack!
Congratulations on your EC win with this splendid tale.
Kon Michailidis03/07/13
I am still thinking about the message of this piece. I so appreciate the depth and the use of allegorical elements.I especially appreciated the setting and background as part of the allegory. Allegory is very difficult to do well. The story has to stand on its own. Very much deserved first place. Bravo!
Ellen Carr 03/08/13
Congratulations on your win which was well-deserved for this creative and amusing story. Well done!
Cheryl Harrison 03/08/13
Your story was even more fun to read the second time around! Congratulations on your well deserved 1st Place Editor's Choice. Blessings!
Claudia Thomason 03/08/13
This is a great article. I began to read it out loud and picked up the conversation immediately. Congratulations on your first place and on a superb piece of writing.
CD Swanson 03/08/13
Congratulations! God bless~
Olawale Ogunsola 03/10/13
These well crafted words really deserved the first place. Congratulations!
Charla Diehl 04/02/13
I'm amazed at how much you packed into this story and still qualified for the 750 word limit. I was drawn in from the first sentence and entertained through the closing words. I'll expect to see you in the Master Level soon. Congrats on your deserving win.
Patsy Hallum04/21/13
Congratulations on a wonderful story and the first place. Keep Writing!