The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/08/05
Lovely feel to this story. Love the way you start with mother and son and return to mother and son through the episode with the grandmother. Hard to tell if it's fiction or autobiography! (Just an editing thing, if you have a ? at the end of dialogue you don’t need to say asked. Same if the intent of the dialogue is clear, ie Seth complained) :-) Yeggy.
11/09/05
You made a great connection between you as a young person and your son around the same age. A nice touch was that you let us know the characters through dialoge, not narrative.
11/10/05
Great point and an enjoyable read! Maybe a little too mellow-dramatic in parts (i.e. "My hands trembling"- Over a hymnal??) And "I held it to my cheek" - would you really hold a dusty old trophy to your cheek? I get your point that they were treasured items, just seemed a bit overstated at times.
Great message though and thanks for sharing.