The curse began in the early 1800s. It’s a curse specific to all male born children and it doesn’t go away with age. My dad was inflicted with it and now I am doomed to repeat the curse.
I heard her blood curling scream loud and clear.
“You left the toilet seat up again!”
I sunk a little deeper in my chair, turned the volume up on the TV set and ignored the condemnation. For the life of me I couldn’t figure out why she acted so righteous over such a little thing as leaving the toilet seat up.
Suddenly she appeared before me. “Did you hear me?”
What can I say to a woman whose bottom has touched the cold porcelain toilet more times than I care to remember due to the error of my ways?
“Did I leave that toilet seat up again? I said.
“Yes you did! Why is it so hard for you to remember to put the seat down?”
The hopeless look in her eyes and the urgency in her voice riddled me with guilt. I needed to come up with an excuse and fast.
“It’s the curse of our fathers; all men are bound to repeat it. I bet you can’t show me one man who hasn’t left the toilet seat up at least once in his life?”
“Mannerly men do not leave the seat up,” she said.
I should of stopped right there and said you’re right dear, but the way she said mannerly men irritated me.
“Maybe you can find a mannerly man to come over and teach me toilet seat etiquette?
“You’re so funny! All I’m asking is for you to return the toilet seat back down to its neutral position after you use it.”
“The Neutral position? Who says the neutral position is down? Maybe the neutral position is up?”
She was at my side faster than a twilight vampire and began dragging me outside.
“Watch,” she said.
She picked up a rock threw it high into the air and I watched as it came down with a thud.
“And your point is?”
“What goes up must come down! It’s the law of gravity and down is the only neutral position where everyone can use the toilet. Women can’t use it in the up position. End of story.
Once again I bowed to her superior logic and vowed to never leave the toilet seat up again.
That night I awoke to a deathly scream coming from the darkened bathroom.
The curse would repeat itself!
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