The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/11/13
Nice story, well told and great imagery. The characters and dialogue are real and your use of the topic was well done. I enjoyed it.
01/12/13
Creative and interesting. I enjoyed this well written piece. Thanks. God bless~
I like this story. The point of the story is strong; nice tie-in to this week's theme! The writing is smooth with a nice flow, and the story itself is compelling. Well done!
Oh I really enjoyed this story. It was a delightful lesson on the cliche' the grass is always greener. You did a nice job of pulling me into the story.

I had to smile at this sentence: Now she was knee-deep in prairie brush and the distinct odor of hog farm.
It sounds like she is in knee deep in the stench, which of course isn't possible. If you had added something like the stench assaulted my nostrils that might have worked better.
I did spot some tiny typos or punctuation errors (like 4 dots instead of three in ellipsis) but no big deal.

I fell in love with your MC. I could so relate to her telling off God. It gives the character such depth and made me smile. It was especially grand that right after that comment God sent help. And who says God doesn't have a sense of humor? Loved it! :)