The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
11/07/05
I've always wanted to see Brazil and the Amazon, and your story was beautifully poetic and visual. I could see what you described, feel the sticky heat and hear the mosquitoes. I could also identify with the feelings of the character. Really well done! i did notice a couple of spots where maybe you dropped a word accidentally or some cases where perhaps you used the wrong tense on a word, so i'd just recommend you make sure to give your piece a good throrough check before you click submit. humblest apologies if you did that and if i've completely misunderstood what you were attempting! I really liked your story.
11/07/05
Your imagery is incredibly sensory - so lush that I can feel, hear, smell and see it.
11/09/05
Beautiful, beautiful imagery. The tie-in to "singing" is nearly buried, but I found it...the best word to describe this is "lush." Thanks for writing.
11/09/05
A gifted writer...try to tighten up your descriptions as too much of it loses the whole point of the story. You should try your hand at poetry too, your word uses and sentence structures definitely leans to the beautifully poetic.
Some good descriptions here! Well written! Thanks for sharing!
I agree with the others. Your descriptive language was very poetic, and lush is the perfect word for it, but in some places it overwhelmed the overall story. Not too bad for a level jumper though! he he he
11/10/05
Emotive and realistic - I'll say it, too: very poetic. A paradox of writing - your descriptions can actually be more vivid with fewer words; pick the punchiest adjectives and pare down the rest. You'll be moving up through the levels (intentionally) in no time!
11/12/05
An over abundance of description, but well portrayed, a realistic entry, much like a personal journal. Thanks for posting.
11/12/05
Sally's comment is perfect! And I'd like to add, 'Boy! Not bad for a level jumper!" :) Just 'tighten it up' and you'll be on your way up! :)
11/12/05
Loved the evocative and creative description in the first two sentences. You have a wonderfully poetic way with your choice of words. If you ever expanded this I would love to hear more of her inner journey. Yeggy