The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 621 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
12/13/12
I enjoyed this story even more because I have just returned from staying with a family of hunters and trappers in Missorui, during deer hunting season no less. It rings true in so many ways; and is a wonderful image when your MC kneels to thank the deer for its life. The only thing I found startling was that the beginning of the story painted for me, a day that was beautiful but not biting cold; so when you all of a sudden said it was biting cold, I tripped over that and had to go back to read what came before to see if I had missed something. Might you consider leaving out just that one sentence? Might it still be a powerful piece without that sentence? If the biting cold is Important, could mention of it come at the outset? But a wonderful piece of writing.
12/15/12
Powerful and moving entry...silent yet spoke volumes in the meaning.
God bless~
12/23/12
This is such a lovely story. I like the way you interpreted the topic. I haven't read all of the challenges but there are only a handful so far that took the topic in this definition. It was an interesting peek into the mind of the MC.

I noticed you did have some excellent showing lines, but you also did quite a bit of telling. Of course, there has to be telling, but the more you can show the more you can pull your reader in. Take this line for example:
While he walked through the woods to his tree stand he noticed that most of the leaves had already fallen
It's mostly telling but in the very next line you show the crunch of the leaves and that pulls me right into the woods where I can picture the bare trees, the leaf-littered ground and even the earthy smells.

Another way to do more showing would be to put his thoughts in italics or use it as a dialog with God. That would not only let the reader know what he was thinking, but it would also show a lot of his character. Later on, as he knelt over the deer and did pray I was once again drawn into the scene and could almost smelly the coppery-whiffs of blood. I also like that you showed the reader how to pray. Many people don't know how and your words really emphasized the relationship between God and the MC.

Overall, you did a fantastic job on this piece. Congratulations on your HC and for ranking 12 overall!