The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
This is a great story. You introduced the conflict immediately and it held my attention right to the very end.

I did notice some of the narration lines after a quote were either in complete sentences or were complete ones but you had not capitalized the first letter. For ex: protesting about the prospect of taking more time
This line needs a subject. I protested about the prospect...

I did giggle about subpoenaing the little ones. But I enjoyed your ending it made me smile. I also liked your characters and they way they resolved the conflicts. Good job.
Cute entry. It drew me in right away and made me chuckle when your MC went into "Mama Bear" mode.
Awwww. I loved this story. This is my type of entry, I could read these kind of stories all day long! Thanks. It touched my heart and made it smile.
God bless~