The Official Writing Challenge
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I loved this and could relate to it in many ways. My only suggestion is this: Overuse of the verb "to be" renders a story quite passive. This story would be much stronger with more show and less tell. But, it is truly a sweet and warm story. Blessings!!
10/25/12
I loved your story. I can relate to it because I also used to be a caregiver to the elderly, and it reminded me of the man I would visit four times a week. He could barely walk, could not cook for himself and could not do the things he had always enjoyed- playing the piano and painting. I would love to hear his stories about what it was like to be in WWII and how he used to drive planes in the air force. I miss him and have not seen him in several years.

Good job in showing us what the gold cup was all about. A beautiful message. Keep up the great work.

God bless!
10/25/12
I would have loved to meet Ellen. What a great idea, to pass the gold cup from lady to lady. Thanks for sharing this sweet story.
10/26/12
I enjoyed this story. You described Ellen very well. Toward the end, I was hoping the MC would hand the cup over to the daughter. I know that wasn't the mother's intention, and I can't explain why, but my heart ached for the daughter.

There are many splashes of brilliance in your writing style. It is interesting, compelling. My only comment would be to avoid beginning a sentence with an adverb, unless it is an intentional style choice, for say, a poem, etc.
10/27/12
I love your title, of course! But more than that I enjoyed the lovely picture you painted so lovingly and well, of this Ellen. Thank you.
10/28/12
I loved this entry. It is both touching and uplifting. Ellen is a joy and a great inspiration for our own lives.
10/30/12
Wonderful story, nicely written. felt like I was a fly on the wall, just waiting to see what would happen next. Brought back memories for me, too, of work in a nursing home when I was at university. Thanks for sharing!
10/30/12
Oh, I absolutely loved this heart-warming story! It makes me sad how many of the elderly are just cast aside when so many, like Ellen, are a treasure trove of stories and information. I love the gold cup idea, what a perfect gift and gesture to give to one of the many “earth angels”. You made me feel a real connection with Ellen as I read, this was just so well presented. I love good stories that have an impact—that I know will stick in my mind, and the gold cup will certainly do that! Great job!
This is a delightful tribute to a very dear person. I'm sure her daughter would treasure this story.

The main red ink I have has to do with the dialog. Make sure you capitalize the first word of a complete sentence like: say, "what the heck do you want?
The what should be capitalized. Also if you can avoid taglines like she said and give a sentence about the speaker's emotional state or personality that will help the reader get to know your characters more. This sentence is a great example of just that: She loved you," she sniffled as tears broke free, handing me the cup with quivering hands saying,
The only things I would change is put a period instead of a comma, after you. Then capitalize She and end the sentence with quivering hands. You don't need the word saying because you identified the speaker with the She. So instead of a tagline, you'd have an outstanding example of a show don't tell line.

I could feel your passion in your words and figured right away that it was a true story. What a beautiful tradition and a great idea for many of us. I think you nailed the topic nicely. Though it may have seemed that the story was about Ellen, it was really about how the cup touched the MC and reminds her of the ways Ellen touched her life. So while writing on topic you also honored someone important to you and delivered a meaningful message to the rest of us. This was a delight to read and I feel honored to get to know a bit about a very special lady. Nice job.
11/02/12
Too descriptive and engrossing not to be based on personal experience. Beautifully told.