The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/20/12
And behind every successful man is an astounded mother-in-law. Loved the ironic twists here, but their impact was lessened by lack of spacing between your paragraphs.
Your material is good, but funny material needs a space for readers to catch the gag and sit with it before they find the next one zeroing in on their funny bone.
This is a lovely story. I think you have a delightful sense of humor--self-deprecating and subtle--one of the best kinds. Your paragraph after the story begins is a great grabber. It made me want to keep reading.

I'd recommend that you start of with that (as there isn't a need to tell the reader the story is beginning) and then put the quote at the end in italics. The other thing I'd suggest would be save your exclamation points for dialog. Overusing them can diminish their effect not too mention you have outstanding words that do your exclaiming for you.

You did a wonderful job of writing on topic. This will be a story your family will always cherish and I'm honored you shared it with us. Nice job.
I try not to read comments before I comment so they don't influence me. What Noel was saying about the space was it's a good idea to double space between the paragraphs to give your reader that all important white space. It makes it easier to read, especially on the computer. Keep writing, you have a lot of natural talent. :)
10/21/12
This is really very good, even with the need for paragraph spacing. I loved your sense of humor and positive ending. Good writing.
10/22/12
You are indeed blessed! Thanks for inspirational sharing! Excellent writing.

God Bless, Lynn
10/24/12
A special and humorous journey through the wonderfully challenging maze we call relationships. I enjoyed this piece very much.
10/24/12
Interesting piece, I enjoyed it immensely.Thanks.

God bless~