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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Funny (10/04/12)

TITLE: Jitters and Stammers
By Pam Ford Davis
10/10/12


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I stand alone in the stifling wings; craning my tension tightened neck, I search expressionless faces of front row patrons. Tonight’s comedy warm up act might be my big break. I dream of one day seeing my name up in neon lights. Inwardly, I am fear ridden with self-doubt and feel rounds of nausea; the audience will never suspect a thing.

“Ladies and Gentleman, please give a warm Tennessee welcome to a newcomer with a bright future-Ms. Patsy Lynn!”

Intentionally, I trip as I saunter onto stage in rhinestone-studded pink cowboy boots. Waves of spontaneous laughter feel like warm embraces of affirmation.

“I’m worried! He said I have a bright future. Why did he signal the stage hand to dim the lights?”

A round of belly laughs lessens my anxieties. They lean back in their Opry seats, prepare to be entertained, and I aim to please.

“A funny thing happened to me on the way to the Ryman. I forgot my pepper spray. No, seriously, it’s not Music Row alley muggers that make me nervous. It’s my competition!”

My fifteen minutes stand up routine is grueling; the overrated underarm deodorant is failing me fast.

Don’t lose your grip. You’re funny. Look at them; they really like you!

With peripheral vision, I see my idol. He makes his way to the side curtain, waiting shoulder-to-shoulder with Mel Tillis. It is my time to step out of the spotlight.

“You’ve been a great crowd! My mother thanks you; my father thanks you. My creditors thank you, and I thank you! Good night and God bless.”

The people packing the Ryman Theater have not come to see me; yet, their reception is warm. Applause is addictive. I’ve received a strong dose of admiration; an adrenalin rush is heady. The stage beneath my feet vibrates with a band’s rendition of “Dixie;” I dance a two-step, side stepping for the celebrity.

The emcee courteously claps, then points in my direction. “Let’s give her a big hand!” Grinning, he puts his hands in crisp jeans’ pockets and looks slyly toward the wings. Turning his attention back toward the waiting crowd, he momentarily pauses. Ceremonially, with outstretched arms, he prepares to introduce the night’s main Opry attraction.

The crowd begins to cheer and chant.

“Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!”

“Direct from Yazoo, Mississippi-Mr. Jerry Clower!”

He meanders to center stage as multicolored floodlights enfold him.

I may have a bright future, but Jerry has already reached the pinnacle of success.

Applauding, the crowd gives the country boy a standing ovation. Fans from a myriad of backgrounds clap, stomp their feet, hoot-and-holler. The man of the hour is about to fill their humdrum lives with homespun humor.

Once inside my small dressing room, I lock the door, and relish the clicking sound of bargain-priced boots on mosaic-tiled floor. Lowering myself into the vanity table straight back chair, I look into the lighted mirror. Emotionally, I morph into six-year-old Patricia Lynn standing in front of my bedroom looking glass.

I rehash the school day before… The kids say I talk funny; they laugh at me. I want them to stop. I tried to tell them! My words came out, “Thop it!” They laughed and made funny noises. Like snakes, they hissed in my face. “Ssss, Ssss!”

A firm rapping on the door jolts me from painful self-talk reminiscing. I wipe away shed tears; standing upon shaky limbs, I go to unlock the door. An Opry gofer says, “Patsy, there is someone here who’d really like to meet you!”

“Hi Paaa…tsy, Juuu…st want to tee…l you how muuu…ch I liii…ked your shhh…ow!”

I stand speechless, staring into compassionate eyes of Mel Tillis!

He laughs heartily, sensing my shock and verbal paralysis.

Daughter Pam steals him away, to attend an Opry Legends awards banquet.

In my wildest dreams, I could never have even fantasized that I, lisping little “Patricia Lynn Punchinello,” would receive accolades from stammering super star “Mel Tillis!” I only know that the emotional trauma, of being the brunt of jokes, motivates me to earn my living by making people laugh. I aspire to always leave them laughing, until my dying day, when they carry me away.

I’ve become a master of practical jokes. I dread the thought of people grieving as I pass over into glory land. It would be funny, if not fitting, for sanctimonious pallbearers to slip on a proverbial banana peel!

Authors note: * Fiction/ “Always leave them laughing when you say goodbye (George M. Cohan 1878-1942)


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This article has been read 209 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 10/12/12
You did an outstanding job on this piece. Your delightful descriptions painted awesome pictures in my mind. This story has several examples of what it means to show and not tell.

The only thing I might question is not telling everyone who Mel Tillis is. Sure they could look it up, but most won't. I don't think I would have thought of it, except I once made a reference to Nellie from the Little House series. I was amazed that there were several readers who had no clue. Even though you did show him stammering which I thought was a great example perhaps a footnote or even a mention that when he sings his stammer totally goes away and he has an insanely beautiful singing voice might help those young-uns who have no clue who he is.

I think you tackled the topic in an ingenious way. I couldn't think of an idea for this topic and though stand-up might seem a natural choice to some you told it from a fresh and interesting point of view. This was a pleasure to read from beginning to end. Your story also has multiple messages from bullying to following your dreams. I always appreciate stories that have different messages for different people.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 10/12/12
As I reread the story, I am flip-flopping on my previous comment. You did call him a superstar and also showed his stammering so maybe those who don't know who he is will figure it out from your words. It's always such a fine line between letting the reader figure it out and telling them things they already know. You did a nice job straddling that line. :)
Dannie Hawley 10/13/12
Terrific job! Many of us can identify with your MC's jitters. I mean, who hasn't had to speak some line in a school play at sometime, right? I loved your vivid descriptions.
Ellen Carr 10/13/12
I really enjoyed your story. It was most engaging and so realistic that I expected it to be true story. But it was a great fiction tale. Thanks.
Noel Mitaxa 10/14/12
Great work. You paint the picture so well I can almost hear the roar of the greasepaint and the smell of the crowd. You also allow us a very credible inside view of your MC, but neither of these strengths gets in the way of the fun coming through. Loved it.
CD Swanson 10/15/12
Nice job with this piece. You have nailed the topic, and in the process entertained us with the story, and the MC.

Thanks. GOd bless~
Hiram Claudio10/18/12
Well deserved "Highly Commended" recognition ... wonderful writing here!
Arlene Showalter 10/18/12
Congratulations, Sister!!
Genia Gilbert10/18/12
This is great, Pam. I have had a lot going on, and haven't read any entries this past week, but I love this. Congratulations on your HC! Great story with just the right balance of reality and humor.
Noel Mitaxa 10/18/12
Congratulations on your HC. Very well done.
Leola Ogle 10/18/12
Yay Pam! Great job! Congrats and God bless!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 10/19/12
Congratulations on your HC and for ranking 15th overall!
CD Swanson 10/19/12
Congrats and God Bless~