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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 – Advanced)
Topic: Funny (10/04/12)

TITLE: a Fun Look at our Language - Through a Punster's Ear
By Noel Mitaxa
10/08/12


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As a living language, English is constantly confronting new words and phrases. Most of them have clear origins, but these below arise more cryptically. If you can't enjoy them, please endure them patiently, as an element of character growth

Abracadaver - When a magician’s assistant does not survive being sawn in two.
Army Intelligence - The wherefore of warfare.

Baroque O’Bama - A flamboyant seventeenth-century president.
Bovine residue - A polite term for data that could “steer” you away from the truth.

Cairopractor - An Egyptian masseur.
Coma-toes - When your foot goes to sleep.
Crow Magnon - A landmark stage in the development of blackbirds.

Disoriented - Being expelled from China.
Don Coyote - A prairie wolf with an Impossible Dream.

Edifice complex - The mindset of architects who find it hard to leave their mothers.
Ennui the Eighth - A much-married English king who quickly got bored with each of his wives.

Forghetti - An Italian pasta dish which the waiter only serves after being reminded several times.
FroZen - A Buddhist monk who likes to play it super cool.

Ghosts - Departed spirits who have scared people for centuries, but they have never once apoltergeist for this behaviour.
Goldilocks - A sad case of limited ancestry. While we all have forebears, she only had three…

Holy Grail - A highly-prized religious relic whose location is a chalicely-guarded secret.
Hypographical error - A press release with too much spin.

“I won’t keep you long” - A clause that Henry VIII inserted into each of his wedding vows.
Iraq - Where people once secretly feared spiders; but now everyone’s heard of Iraqnophobia.

Jew Jitsu - A Yiddish form of self-defence
Jung, Carl - A pioneer in psychology, whose ideas are mostly embraced by the jung at heart.

Kenyan - Extensive American erosion - most notably in the Colorado River’s Grand Kenyan.
Kindle-garten - E-books for pre-school children.

Loan arranger - An Italian bank clerk who handled credit applications in the Wild West.
Lute - Proceeds from the robbery of a music store by highly-strung thieves.

Meanderthal Nan - A Stone-Age grandmother who kept wandering away from the cave.
MunDane - A Scandinavian who lives a very dull existence.

Naval destroyer - A hula-hoop with a protruding nail – also called a vicious circle.
Nondescrypt - An unremarkable burial site.

Odour Cologne - Stale perfume.
Oregon - A US state where nothing is left to chance. All is so well-oregonised that it’s Spokane for.

Poles apart – When the Kowalski and Zwytkovski families live at opposite ends of the street.
Port Said – An Egyptian coastal city which is just as visible from a ship’s Starboard Said.

Quadrupeds – Zoologists are divided over whether these animals have four legs or forelegs.

Racks of Lamb – A menu choice whose increasing popularity may cause a lack of rams.
Role reversal - A duty incumbent on whoever sees that toilet paper has been set incorrectly.

Seuss, Dr – A children’s writer whose books deserve close Eggs Hamination.
Somnambul Ant – When a creepy-crawly becomes a sleepy-crawly.
Swan Lake – The best-known ballet to bear Tchaikovsky’s cygneture.

T’ephylon – An anti-stick coating for cooking utensils that chefs used in ancient Babylon.
Thesaurus – A prehistoric creature with a surprisingly extensive vocabulary.

Uncalled four – Needless actions by an anonymous quartet.
Undertakers’ conversations – Natters of life and death.

Vegans – People who refuse all meat, even if it’s from vegetarian cows, pigs, sheep or chickens.
Vixen – A foxy lady who is skilled in vixen everything as she wants it to be.

Will – Determination that’s shared; for where there’s a will there are usually many relatives.
Wig – An expensive element of false hood, for which wearers have toupee a lot of money.

X-calibre – The unknown inner measure of Camelot’s king. Hard to sword out – from a stone!
Xtragen – An immediate result of female hormone replacement therapy.

Yachting – A management program that builds trainees’ skills in anchor-management.
Yes man - Someone with all the courage of his boss’ convictions.

Zodiac – Astrological signs which show that it’s unlucky to be superstitious.
Zygotes – Embryonic embryos which are created when eggs are fertilized by competitive sperm cells – so competitive that one sperm cell told his rival: “You think you’ll be first? Ovum my dead body!”

**** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** **** ****
Author’s note. This is a selection of my diction-eerie which will be published as an e-book, as soon as it reaches my goal of 1001 entries (with only 35 to go)


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This article has been read 386 times
Member Comments
Member Date
Arlene Showalter 10/11/12
This entry is an absolute HOOT! I howled through the explanations. I'd buy a book in a heartbeat!!
Danielle King 10/11/12
So that's two of us who plan to buy your book, and why not? It's a perfect pick-me-up for a dull day.

You couldn't have been more on topic if you'd tried because every noelogism is sooo funny.

And we all know who you are so we may ask for an autographed copy!
Ellen Carr 10/12/12
Looking forward to the book. You have a very well-tuned ear for puns. All the best with the last 37.
Ellen Carr 10/12/12
Whoops! 37 is tutu many! (Can you use that somehow?)
Beth LaBuff 10/12/12
Hi-LOL-arious-describes both the action of your reader and your work. Favorites are "abracadaver" and "edifice complex." :) And that "Meanderthal Nan"--I just wanted to keep her from getting lost in the stone age. :) I hope this does well! I loved it, too.
CD Swanson 10/12/12
You are a funny man. I echo everyone's sentiments.

Too too funny for words.

God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 10/13/12
This is a hoot. Though some flew over my head --perhaps you can come up with a phrase that means Shann didn't get it. I'll be waiting for it! You did have me chuckling on several and wincing on a few-- a perfect combination.
Pam Ford Davis 10/14/12
Laughter "is" good medicine and you have just given your readers a needed dose! I think you may have a best seller. Get prepared to write a sequel.
Wing His Words!
lynn gipson 10/16/12
A Gentleman's answer to "You Know You're a Redneck!" (Im from Memphis, Tn and have been called a redneck!)I absolutely LOVE this and it WILL be a best seller...thanks for an early Tuesday morning laugh!

God Bless, Lynn
Hiram Claudio10/16/12
Clever ... creative ... and hysterical! So well done! Awesome!
Marie Hearty 10/17/12
This was soooo funny. I just had to share it with members of my family who enjoyed it too. My favourite was 'Navel Destroyer.'
Great job and I wish you the best on your book.

God bless!
Hiram Claudio10/18/12
Congratulations on your 3rd place ribbon my friend!
Pam Ford Davis 10/18/12
Congratulations, Noel!

Wing His Words!
Genia Gilbert10/18/12
A winner and great piece! This is hilarious, and takes more thought than I thought. (^_^) Congratulations.
Danielle King 10/18/12
Congratuflippinglations! As CD said - you are a very funny man, but I knew that already! Get that ebook out right sharpish.
Myrna Noyes10/18/12
Ha-haha-haha!! This pun-derful piece had me laughing over and over again! :D I love words, and your definitions were a delight! CONGRATULATIONS on your level win!!
Bea Edwards 10/18/12
Smiled, then chuckled, and finally began to really have a good time! Very witty- you clever man. Congratulations on your win!
Leola Ogle 10/18/12
Congrats Noel! Awesome job! God bless!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 10/19/12
Congreatulations on your ribbon and for placing 12th overall! So close. I do expect you to come up with a word that means your puns zoomed over Shann's head and when explained to her she seriously laughed! :) Also notice the e in my first word--pretty clever eh? (Don't tell anyone it was a typo)
Loren T. Lowery10/19/12
Wow, what can I say that hasn't already been said; besides I'm not so clever or quick on the pick up; but honestly, I truly enjoyed this. Especially because it made me pause and think! Congratulations, and the very best of luck when then is published!
CD Swanson 10/19/12
Congrats Noel! God Bless~
Margaret Kearley 11/06/12
My character has grown - enormously. This is hilarious and SO clever. I have printed a copy off - to ponder on those I'm struggling with! and to share with others. Put me down for a copy of that book!!