Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Funny (10/04/12)
TITLE: a Fun Look at our Language - Through a Punster's Ear
By Noel Mitaxa
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Abracadaver - When a magician’s assistant does not survive being sawn in two.
Army Intelligence - The wherefore of warfare.
Baroque O’Bama - A flamboyant seventeenth-century president.
Bovine residue - A polite term for data that could “steer” you away from the truth.
Cairopractor - An Egyptian masseur.
Coma-toes - When your foot goes to sleep.
Crow Magnon - A landmark stage in the development of blackbirds.
Disoriented - Being expelled from China.
Don Coyote - A prairie wolf with an Impossible Dream.
Edifice complex - The mindset of architects who find it hard to leave their mothers.
Ennui the Eighth - A much-married English king who quickly got bored with each of his wives.
Forghetti - An Italian pasta dish which the waiter only serves after being reminded several times.
FroZen - A Buddhist monk who likes to play it super cool.
Ghosts - Departed spirits who have scared people for centuries, but they have never once apoltergeist for this behaviour.
Goldilocks - A sad case of limited ancestry. While we all have forebears, she only had three…
Holy Grail - A highly-prized religious relic whose location is a chalicely-guarded secret.
Hypographical error - A press release with too much spin.
“I won’t keep you long” - A clause that Henry VIII inserted into each of his wedding vows.
Iraq - Where people once secretly feared spiders; but now everyone’s heard of Iraqnophobia.
Jew Jitsu - A Yiddish form of self-defence
Jung, Carl - A pioneer in psychology, whose ideas are mostly embraced by the jung at heart.
Kenyan - Extensive American erosion - most notably in the Colorado River’s Grand Kenyan.
Kindle-garten - E-books for pre-school children.
Loan arranger - An Italian bank clerk who handled credit applications in the Wild West.
Lute - Proceeds from the robbery of a music store by highly-strung thieves.
Meanderthal Nan - A Stone-Age grandmother who kept wandering away from the cave.
MunDane - A Scandinavian who lives a very dull existence.
Naval destroyer - A hula-hoop with a protruding nail – also called a vicious circle.
Nondescrypt - An unremarkable burial site.
Odour Cologne - Stale perfume.
Oregon - A US state where nothing is left to chance. All is so well-oregonised that it’s Spokane for.
Poles apart – When the Kowalski and Zwytkovski families live at opposite ends of the street.
Port Said – An Egyptian coastal city which is just as visible from a ship’s Starboard Said.
Quadrupeds – Zoologists are divided over whether these animals have four legs or forelegs.
Racks of Lamb – A menu choice whose increasing popularity may cause a lack of rams.
Role reversal - A duty incumbent on whoever sees that toilet paper has been set incorrectly.
Seuss, Dr – A children’s writer whose books deserve close Eggs Hamination.
Somnambul Ant – When a creepy-crawly becomes a sleepy-crawly.
Swan Lake – The best-known ballet to bear Tchaikovsky’s cygneture.
T’ephylon – An anti-stick coating for cooking utensils that chefs used in ancient Babylon.
Thesaurus – A prehistoric creature with a surprisingly extensive vocabulary.
Uncalled four – Needless actions by an anonymous quartet.
Undertakers’ conversations – Natters of life and death.
Vegans – People who refuse all meat, even if it’s from vegetarian cows, pigs, sheep or chickens.
Vixen – A foxy lady who is skilled in vixen everything as she wants it to be.
Will – Determination that’s shared; for where there’s a will there are usually many relatives.
Wig – An expensive element of false hood, for which wearers have toupee a lot of money.
X-calibre – The unknown inner measure of Camelot’s king. Hard to sword out – from a stone!
Xtragen – An immediate result of female hormone replacement therapy.
Yachting – A management program that builds trainees’ skills in anchor-management.
Yes man - Someone with all the courage of his boss’ convictions.
Zodiac – Astrological signs which show that it’s unlucky to be superstitious.
Zygotes – Embryonic embryos which are created when eggs are fertilized by competitive sperm cells – so competitive that one sperm cell told his rival: “You think you’ll be first? Ovum my dead body!”
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Author’s note. This is a selection of my diction-eerie which will be published as an e-book, as soon as it reaches my goal of 1001 entries (with only 35 to go)
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
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