The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
09/13/12
This is a powerful piece. I find that persuasive essays do best when they present an issue with as little specific instructions to the reader as possible, letting the reader come up with his/her own conclusion on how to proceed.

You do this brilliantly throughout the essay, except for the second to last paragraph. I would suggest that the second to last paragraph is unnecessary, because the point has already been made clear throughout the rest of the piece. In fact, the writing was strong, impactful, and clear, and the call to action was obvious, without being mentioned.

09/14/12
Good job with the topic that was subtle in its approach, and yet prolific in its message.

Nicely done. God bless~
09/14/12
This piece has a strong, clear message. However, I could not see how it fits with this week's topic (except mentioning it in passing at the end). Otherwise, this is well-written.
09/17/12
Nice message, one that most of us need to hear. I just don't see it being on topic except for the little mention of a cookout in the end. But over all it was a good story.

God bless.